


Cards Against Rose Creek

by KiraYamiDemon



Category: The Magnificent Seven (2016)
Genre: Too many inside jokes, breaking the fourth wall from time to times going on in most sessions, shenanigans abound, shit gets crazy later on, this got out of hand really fast
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-08
Updated: 2017-08-31
Packaged: 2018-12-12 20:52:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 14,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11744967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KiraYamiDemon/pseuds/KiraYamiDemon
Summary: In a small recovering town, where 7 men reside, one game to change it all. Madness. Chaos. Embarrassment. Too much talk about sex. Fights. A shitton of alcohol. Insanity.Are you ready...to go against humanity?





	1. Session 1

**Author's Note:**

> HOOO BOYYY THIS GOT WAY OUT OF HAND HAHAHAHAH.
> 
> So our game session of CAH kinda turned into roleplaying sessions of the guys playing CAH and then this monstrosity happened. This is now officially the Mag7 CAH Series. New chapters will be added with each sessions.
> 
> Thank you [Dutch](https://rosecreeksashes.tumblr.com/) for helping me with the title!

**Vasquez:**  Ahh, no worries güero   
**Red:**  Get a room you two!   
**Faraday:**  Us two? 

* * *

 **Red:**  *imitating Jack* "Y'all need Jesus!!!"   
**Faraday:**  "Naw I'm good thanks" 

* * *

 **Card:**  What is the most emo thing?  
**Faraday:**  Exploding oneself   
**Vasquez:**  Not again my friend   
**Faraday:**  That is pretty emo   
**Red:**  THAT WAS UNCALLED FOR AND YOU KNOW IT   
**McCann:**  Not if I don't shoot you first   
**Vasquez:**  Too soon to joke about   
**Faraday:**  I joke to hide my pain   
**Vasquez:**  Okay, same   
**Goodnight:**  Isn't that the point of life?   
**Faraday:**  We are all victims of some sort of pain   
**Vasquez:**  Too true   
**Vasquez:**  All right there, McCann?   
**McCann:**  Some of us literal pain thank you very much   
**Vasquez:**  Oh right, I did shoot you like 6 times   
**Vasquez:**  How's the coffin feel?   
**McCann:**  Oh~ you know, it's actually quite comfortable and cozy here   
**Vasquez:**  You don't say? 

* * *

 **Faraday:**  Okay. New game where this good lover will win   
-Red wins the round-  
**Faraday:**  Or not   
**Red:**  That was not surprising Josh   
**Faraday:**  Hey!   
**Vasquez:**  Getting cocky, are we?   
**McCann:**  Keep dreaming   
**Faraday:**  Me? Never 

* * *

-Vasquez wins the round-  
**Faraday:**  Nice   
**Faraday:**  I mean...   
**Vasquez:**  Thank you 

* * *

 **Vasquez:**  Ahem, I think that may have described you well, Faraday   
**Faraday:**  What did?   
**Vasquez:**  Young people being into insatiable bloodlust   
**Faraday:**  Oh   
**Faraday:**  Nope   
**Vasquez:**  I beg to differ 

* * *

-Red wins the round-   
**Faraday:**  Aww Red Buddy   
**Red:**  Still cocky there Josh?   
**Faraday:**  Shush   
**Faraday:**  No..   
**Goodnight:**  Likely story.   
**Red:**  Vas, help your boy. I think his ego is in shambles now   
**McCann:**  As if it wasn't already?   
**Goodnight:**  Pffft.   
**Vasquez:**  It's about time! Sorry Güero, you deserved it   
**Faraday:**  His boy?  
**Faraday:**  Why am I his boy? *gestures at Vasquez*   
**Faraday:**  And thank you   
**McCann:**  Please, as if you don't know   
**Faraday:**  I don't   
**Faraday:**  Do you know Vas?   
**Vasquez:**  If you'd think more and talk less, maybe some things in life would make more sense to you   
**Faraday:**  That's not helpful   
**McCann:**  Are you actually that clueless   
**Faraday:**  No   
**Faraday:**  (Yes)   
**Goodnight:**  I beg to differ.   
**Red:**  Its the whiskey   
**McCann:**  I don't think it has anything to do with whiskey   
**Red:**  And I think he fell off the horse one too many times   
**Vasquez:**  Both true   
**Goodnight:**  Whiskey might lead him there.   
**Faraday:**  I am Hurt   
**Red:**  You probably deserve it   
**Vasquez:**  You have feelings after all? Amazing   
**Faraday:**  I do not   
**Goodnight:**  What? Have no feelings?   
**Faraday:**  No, deserved to be hurt   
**McCann:**  The man literally came storming out with hell on his heels and damn near pitched a fit when you got shot   
**McCann:**  How is that not enough of a clue   
**Faraday:**  I....   
**Faraday:**  Jesus...wept   
**McCann:**  *rolls eyes* Its a wonder how you survived this long   
**Faraday:**  Because of my charm and wits   
**Vasquez:**  *snorts*   
**Faraday:**  I have them   
**McCann:**  Uh-huh   
**Faraday:**  I do   
**McCann:**  Such charm   
**McCann:**  "World's greatest lover" indeed   
**Faraday:**  I am   
**Vasquez:**  Oh yes, you were immensely charming when we met. You're lucky I didn't shoot you then and there   
**Vasquez:**  If Sam hadn't been there...   
**Faraday:**  Aww you loved it

* * *

 **Faraday:**  Wow Red this is a whole other side to you   
**Red:**  Does this make me the world's greatest lover?   
**Vasquez:**  Yes. I nominate Red Harvest.   
**Faraday:**  What?   
**Goodnight:**  I second it.   
**Faraday:**  Goody, c'mon 

* * *

-Faraday wins the round-  
**Faraday:**  HA   
**Vasquez:**  Dammit   
**McCann:**  May I remind you who it was that actually got a shot off me   
**Faraday:**  Only because you got a cheap shot off of me   
**Vasquez:**  If you had so greatly outmatched McCann, you would have taken him out   
**Vasquez:**  But I seem to recall that I did   
**Faraday:**  I am seriously hurt   
**Vasquez:**  That was my intention   
**McCann:**  That was a cheap shot? You were standing in the middle of the open ground with no cover like an idiot   
**Vasquez:**  ^^^   
**Goodnight:**  Pffft   
**Faraday:**  Ouch   
-Vasquez wins the round-  
**Vasquez:**  Ha, tied again, Faraday   
**Faraday:**  Are we?   
**Faraday:**  Wait why did you do that Vas?   
**Vasquez:**  Do what?   
**Faraday:**  Shoot McCann   
**McCann:**  *groans*   
**Vasquez:**  To save your sorry ass   
**McCann:**  Oh my godddddd   
**McCann:**  I've never met a more stupid man than you   
**Faraday:**  Yeah but why?   
**Red:**  For all our sakes, confess and get a room you two!   
**Vasquez:**  I feel no obligation to appease your idiocy   
**Faraday:**  Okay. And Red. There is nothing   
**Red:**  I need to find a new Path   
**Faraday:**  To a Roof?   
**McCann:**  Is this what you are all like? I can feel myself getting stupider by being around you idiots   
**Faraday:**  We are better than Bogue.   
**Red:**  And Denali   
**McCann:**  You're STUPIDER than Bogue   
**Faraday:**  I am not   
**Goodnight:**  Isn't it..."more stupid"?   
**Faraday:**  Yeah...What he said   
**Vasquez:**  Too late   
**McCann:**  You didn't even know what a syllable was, you can't judge   
**Vasquez:**  HA, ahead of you, Faraday   
**Faraday:**  Dammit   
**Faraday:**  And I don't know what it is but I can read so there   
**McCann:**  Can you now   
**Faraday:**  Yes   
**Faraday:**  I read all about Jack Horne   
**Faraday:**  As a child   
**McCann:**  That doesn't count   
**Vasquez:**  Congratulations on learning one of the most basic life skills. You want a cookie?   
**McCann:**  Everybody's read about Jack Horne at least once in their life   
**Faraday:**  Yes I would love on-   
**Red:**  I even know about Jack Horne   
**Faraday:**  Wait a minute   
**Vasquez:**  Sarcasm. Heard of it?   
**Faraday:**  Screw this 

* * *

 **Faraday:**  We are tied again Vas *winks*   
**Vasquez:**  Hmph. Not for long, I think   
-Vasquez wins the round-  
**Vasquez:**  There.   
**Faraday:**  Dammit all 

* * *

 **Card:**  Describe me, the Card Czar, in one card. (Goody's turn)  
**Winning Card:**  Owls  
-McCann wins the round-   
**Red:**  MCCANN   
**Faraday:**  Billy! We need you 

* * *

 **Red:**  I don't think you two are at the cognitive level to even admit that yet   
**Faraday:**  Whom Red?   
**Red:**  You and Vas. I know my english is pretty spotty, didn't know about yours   
**Vasquez:**  His English is worse than yours or mine and we're the only non-native speakers   
**Faraday:**  Mine is?   
**Vasquez:**  Yes   
**Faraday:**  *offended*   
**Goodnight:**  Well... If you count Billy,...   
**Vasquez:**  Ah, don't tell him I forgot about him   
**Faraday:** You scared of him?   
**Vasquez:**  One would be a fool not to be   
**Vasquez:**  To some degree   
**Goodnight:**  It's true.   
**Faraday:**  I agree there 

* * *

-Vasquez wins the round-  
**Vasquez:**  Tied again, guero   
**Faraday:**  We are...This needs to end   
**Red:**  The game?   
**Faraday:**  Me being tied up with him   
**Red:**  Ahhh I see   
**Faraday:**  Not in that way   
**Vasquez:**  I beg your pardon?  
**McCann:**  *groans long sufferingly*   
**Faraday:**  You heard nothing   
**Vasquez:**  Whatever you say   
**Faraday:**  It is what I say   
**Faraday:**  Nothing   
**Vasquez:**  *sighs heavily*   
**Faraday:**  *stares away awkwardly*   
**Red:**  I don't even want to know   
**Faraday:**  Shh Red. You are too young and Innocent   
**Red:**  Jack wouldn't last five minutes here   
**Faraday:**  He'd have a heart attack   
**Vasquez:**  True 

* * *

-Faraday wins the round-  
**Faraday:**  I broke the tie   
-Vasquez wins the round-  
**Faraday:**  Wow   
**Faraday:**  Vas.   
**Vasquez:**  Tied 

* * *

 **Card:**  In 1000 years, when paper money is a distant memory, what will people need to do to pay for stuff?  
**Winning Card:**  Jizz  
-Red wins the round-  
**Faraday:**  *snickers*   
**Vasquez:**  *no comment*   
**Red:**  I think that would've given Jack that heart attack   
**Faraday:**  Yeah and landed you some time out   
**Goodnight:**  This entire game would kill the man.   
**Vasquez:**  Agreed   
**Faraday:**  Yes   
**Red:**  If he dies, I'm blaming you lot


	2. Session 2

**Vasquez:**  Ayyy McCann  
**Faraday:**  *sticks tongue out*  
**McCann:**  Better put that back in your mouth if you still want it  
**Faraday:**  Nope  
**Faraday:**  Not gonna  
**Red:**  I will have no severing of tongues under my rule. Knock yourself out later  
**Faraday:**  Red is still God..I mean Czar  
**Red:**  I am God

* * *

**Faraday:**  Good thing Goody is not here  
**Red:**  Beware the Owls

* * *

-Vasquez wins the round-  
**Faraday:**  Vas!  
**Vasquez:**  I’m on a roll, güero. Be warned

* * *

-Vasquez wins the round-  
**Faraday:**  Welp  
**Vasquez:**  Thanks for the new point Faraday  
**McCann:**  Wow, biased much Faraday?  
**Faraday:**  No  
**Faraday:**  How dare you assume that  
**McCann:**  How dare I?  
**Faraday:**  Yes how dare

* * *

-Red wins the round-  
**Faraday:**  REd….I am so proud  
**Vasquez:**  You’re a bad influence, Faraday  
**McCann:**  What a surprise  
**Faraday:**  Okay..  
**Faraday:**  No  
**Vasquez:**  Thanks for the point though  
**Faraday:**  Shhh  
**Faraday:**  *flustered*  
**McCann:**  Not biased indeed, how dare I assume that  
**Faraday:**  I'm gonna slug you one day  
**Red:**  Do it  
**McCann:**  Like that’s never happened before, what with your tendency to pick fights  
**Red:**  Can I fight him?  
**Faraday:**  I don’t pick ‘em  
**Faraday:**  And yes  
**Red:**  I can take him  
**McCann:**  I’ll take both of you on  
**Faraday:**  I’ll tag you in Red  
**Red:**  I can take him. I took on his friend and threw him off a balcony. Let me take him  
**Faraday:**  Okay

* * *

-Red wins the round-  
**Faraday:**  Ohh fuck, Red  
**Red:**  Stab Stab  
**McCann:**  Isn’t that Billy’s thing?

* * *

-Vasquez wins the round-  
**Faraday:**  STOP IT  
**Vasquez:**  Faraday, I think you better focus  
**Vasquez:**  You got some catching up to do

* * *

**Faraday:**  I am gonna be shot Vas  
**Vasquez:**  You think I won’t just save you again like last time?  
**Faraday:**  Yeah, kinda  
**Red:**  Damsel in Distress much?  
**Faraday:**  Do I look like a Dame?  
**Red:**  Kind of  
**McCann:**  Are you actually gonna purposely get shot just to get saved?  
**Faraday:**  NO  
**Vasquez:**  I revoke my offer  
**Faraday:**  Vas no

* * *

**Card:**  What would make things weird in a sauna?  
**Faraday:**  McCann  
**McCann:**  What  
**Faraday:**  You make things weird  
**McCann:**  I DIDN’T EVEN SAY ANYTHING  
**Vasquez:**  What’s new  
**Red:**  You all make things weird  
**Faraday:**  In the sauna.  
**Faraday:**  I don’t wanna see your junk  
**McCann:**  WHAT THE FUCK  
**McCann:**  I DON’T WANNA SEE YOURS EITHER  
**Faraday:**  HEY ITS PASSABLE  
**McCann:**  BY WHOSE STANDARDS  
**Faraday:**  Uhhh..Hmmm  
**Red:**  I'm going back to my roof. I need a new path  
**Faraday:**  Somebody  
-Vasquez has left the game-  
**McCann:**  Look at that, you made your crush leave  
**Faraday:**  Shut up..He is not my crush  
**McCann:**  I’m sorry  
**McCann:**  Your lover  
**Faraday:**  Red help me out here  
**Red:**  Don’t drag me into your white nonsense  
**Faraday:**  It aint that  
**Red:**  Trust me. Its complete nonsense and the two of you are obviously white  
**Faraday:**  Wow no help  
**Faraday:**  Wait Vas is not  
**Red:**  You and McCann are. That's enough for me  
**Red:**  Did you really expect my help?  
**Faraday:**  Yes.  
**McCann:**  You were expecting help from Red of all people?  
**Red:**  He has a point  
**Faraday:**  Yes  
**Red:**  Well you are wrong  
**Faraday:**  Who else would I ask  
**Red:**  You shut up and keep it to yourself. Bottle it up and let it fester  
**Vasquez:**  Healthy advice  
**McCann:**  Wow  
**Faraday:**  You guys

* * *

**Vasquez:**  Faraday, did you put in 'powerful thighs’?  
**Faraday:**  No  
**Red:**  I did  
**Vasquez:**  Ahh I see  
**Faraday:**  I have them though  
**McCann:**  So subtle  
**Faraday:**  I gotta point them out  
**Red:**  Keep your thighs to yourself  
**Faraday:**  Sue me  
**Vasquez:**  Gladly  
**Faraday:**  But don’t  
**Red:**  You’d gamble everything away first  
**Faraday:**  Yes  
**Faraday:**  Then invest it back  
**McCann:**  How  
**Red:**  You know how to invest?  
**Faraday:**  I cannot say  
**McCann:**  Cause you don’t know?  
**Vasquez:**  Yes  
**Faraday:**  No  
**McCann:**  No you don’t know?  
**Faraday:**  No I do know  
**Vasquez:**  Oh yes clearly. Your foremost investment has been alcohol, but unfortunately the long-term gains have been none  
**Faraday:**  I bought a horse  
**Faraday:**  That is long term  
**Faraday:**  Excuse me  
**McCann:**  And you gambled it away  
**Red:**  You couldn’t even keep that horse  
**McCann:**  Who the fuck does that  
**Red:**  What the fuck?  
**Vasquez:**  Never thought I’d say this, but McCann is right  
**Faraday:**  Vas?  
**Vasquez:**  Sorry, it’s the truth  
**Faraday:**  Wow  
**Red:**  Not doing so hot are we Faraday?  
**Faraday:**  My own friends against me..  
**Vasquez:**  We’re just playing with you, güero. You’re too easy to tease  
**Red:**  We’re playing?  
**Faraday:**  You tease me the most  
**McCann:**  *muttering* Maybe half playing for some of us  
**Red:**  I wasn’t playing  
**Vasquez:**  All right, Faraday. Maybe not them, but I was teasing. And there’s a point too. Feel better?  
**Faraday:**  No but really Vas you tease me daily without tryin  
**Faraday:**  And its okay.  
**Vasquez:**  That’s true  
**Faraday:**  Wait you know?  
**Faraday:**  Does everybody know?  
**Vasquez:**  To say it’s totally unintentional is a bit of an overstatement  
**Faraday:**  Is it though?  
**McCann:**  Are you honestly THAT clueless  
**Faraday:**  No  
**Red:**  Yes  
**Faraday:**  I just let you believe that  
**Faraday:**  I have..things I keep private  
**Vasquez:**  *tries not to laugh, fails*  
**McCann:**  How shocking  
**McCann:**  We ALL do  
**Red:**  Lies  
**Vasquez:**  Red Harvest, you’re hardly one to talk. You kept it a secret that you spoke the same language as us until the day before we all went to die together  
**Red:**  At least I'm good at keeping secrets  
**Faraday:**  Unlike who  
**Red:**  You  
**Vasquez:**  The head-on approach; I appreciate that, Red Harvest  
**Faraday:**  With my feelings about..uhh Feeling  
**Red:**  Naturally  
**Faraday:**  You know Red  
**Red:**  What  
**Faraday:**  Never mind  
**Red:**  No, do go on  
**Faraday:**  You know what I mean  
**McCann:**  About feelings?  
**McCann:**  I think we ALL know what you mean then  
**Faraday:**  Oh Yeah?  
**McCann:**  Because that’s hardly a secret  
**Faraday:**  It is to good sir  
**Faraday:**  I stole that from Goodnight  
**Billy:**  We had no idea  
**Vasquez:**  I figured. Smooth talking is not your forte  
**Red:**  You can’t even understand half of the things Goodnight says  
**McCann:**  Gee I wonder who else you could’ve stole it from  
**Faraday:**  Can you understand them?  
**Billy:**  I can’t understand half the things Goody says  
**Faraday:**  See  
**McCann:**  Can anybody really  
**Faraday:**  Sam. Maybe  
**Vasquez:**  I thought I had learned English well until I heard Goodnight speak  
**Faraday:**  I know.  
**Red:**  Goodnight can’t even understand what Goodnight says

* * *

-Vasquez wins the round-  
**Faraday:**  Shit I keep pickin your cards Vas  
**McCann:**  How dare I again  
**McCann:**  Not biased indeed  
-Vasquez wins the round-  
**Faraday:**  Shush you  
**Faraday:**  I am not  
**Red:**  Shush all of you  
**Vasquez:**  Thanks, Guero  
**Faraday:**  No problem Amigo  
-Vasquez has left the game-  
**McCann:**  Look at that, you keep making your lover leave  
**Red:**  Again  
**Faraday:**  No I don’t  
**Faraday:**  And he is not my lover  
**Faraday:**  …As far as you know  
**Red:**  I could tell you otherwise  
**McCann:**  I’m sorry  
**McCann:**  Your husband then?  
**McCann:**  When was the wedding, I’m so sorry I missed it  
**Red:**  YOU AINT QUIET  
**Faraday:**  No wedding  
**Faraday:**  And you listen?  
**Faraday:**  Red  
**McCann:**  YOU’RE NOT EXACTLY QUIET  
**Red:**  I don’t have a choice  
**Faraday:**  How would you know  
**McCann:**  WE CAN BE ON OPPOSITE ENDS OF A TOWN AND WE COUD STILL HEAR YOU  
**Faraday:**  Lies  
**Red:**  You’re making Teddy drink  
**Faraday:**  No  
**Faraday:**  Billy isn’t complaing  
**Red:**  Billy is busy making his own noise!  
**Billy:**  Challenge?  
**Billy:**  I always win.  
**Faraday:**  True  
**McCann:**  If ever I don’t have to hear you moaning like a damn whore “OH GOD YES VASQUEZ MORE HARDER” it would be too soon  
**Faraday:**  ….There is a child here  
**Faraday:**  Not that I do that  
**Red:**  You do.  
**McCann:**  Well he certainly isn’t a child anymore from the sounds that come out of your mouth  
**Faraday:**  Nope can’t be proven

* * *

-Faraday wins the round-  
**McCann:**  You would have that card wouldn’t you  
**Faraday:**  What card?  
**McCann:**  “The hardworking Mexican”  
**Faraday:**  It was dealt to me

* * *

-Vasquez has joined the game-  
**Vasquez:**  Did you miss me?  
**Faraday:**  Yes  
**McCann:**  I know at least one person missed you  
**Faraday:**  I mean…Billy missed you  
**Red:**  Nice save lover boy  
**Faraday:**  Wasn’t a save  
**Billy:**  I did not miss you.  
**Red:**  He misses Goodnight  
**Vasquez:**  That’s… quite frank Billy  
**Billy:**  He doesn’t speak for me.  
**Vasquez:**  I see  
**Vasquez:**  He does have a tendency to try to speak for others though, doesn’t he?  
**Faraday:**  I am Innocent  
**Vasquez:**  HA. That’s a good one  
**Red:**  I make no comment  
**Faraday:**  Because its true  
**Vasquez:**  I believe the last time you were innocent is when you emerged from your mother’s womb  
**Vasquez:**  Even then, maybe not  
**Faraday:**  I was  
**Faraday:**  I was a very good kid  
**McCann:**  You’ve never been innocent your whole life  
**Faraday:**  I have  
**Faraday:**  Why we gotta bring my mom up?  
**Vasquez:**  I find that hard to believe

* * *

**Faraday:**  *sticks tongue out*   
**Vasquez:**  Very mature   
**Red:**  Children   
**Faraday:**  Yes?   
**Vasquez:**  Ha, you responded to that   
**Red:**  Thats what you all are   
**Faraday:**  He insulted us Vas   
**Red:**  So what. Fight me   
**Faraday:**  I will   
**Vasquez:**  Red Harvest, someone I know called you a “little shit’ and I find that accurate   
**Red:**  Good   
**Red:**  I know it is   
**Faraday:**  It is


	3. Session 3

**Vasquez:**  Afternoon, all  
 **Faraday:**  Hello  
 **Red:**  Oh damn it all to hell, I’m stuck with you two  
 **Faraday:**  The best two  
 **Faraday:**  He agrees Red see  
-Goodnight has joined the game-  
 **Red:**  Oh shut up  
 **Faraday:**  Make me  
 **Goodnight:**  Well, this is interesting.  
 **Faraday:**  Goody!  
 **Red:**  Save me  
 **Goodnight:**  Afternoon, Faraday.  
 **Faraday:**  But you are safe Red  
 **Faraday:**  And hello  
 **Goodnight:**  No one is safe with you around, Joshua.  
 **Goodnight:**  If we’re being honest, I mean.  
 **Vasquez:**  This is true  
 **Faraday:**  It is

* * *

**Card:**  Cream of ______ soup  
 **1 Answer Card:**  Depression  
 **Faraday:**  Damn  
 **Faraday:**  That is deep  
 **Vasquez:**  That’s what she said  
 **Faraday:**  I mean maybe

* * *

-Vasquez wins the round-  
 **Faraday:**  God. Vas.  
 **Red:**  That’s what you said last night  
 **Faraday:**  Red.  
 **Goodnight:**  I WAS JUST ABOUT TO SAY THAT  
 **Goodnight:**  Dammit it all, Red  
 **Faraday:**  No  
 **Vasquez:**  So much for “young and innocent”  
 **Faraday:**  He’s been tainted  
 **Goodnight:**  Who ever told you that was sorely mistaken.

* * *

**1 Answering Card:**  Spontaneous human combustion  
 **Faraday:**  Aww man  
 **Faraday:**  The middle is true  
 **Vasquez:**  Wow Faraday, that one hits a little close to home  
 **Faraday:**  For me? Yeah it does

* * *

**Faraday:**  Okay Red always has that card  
 **Faraday:**  And it sounds painful  
 **Vasquez:**  It does  
 **Red:**  Do you know what a snapping turtle is?  
 **Faraday:**  Hell no  
 **Faraday:**  I don’t want to know  
 **Goodnight:**  Oh my.  
 **Goodnight:**  You can’t put two and two together, Joshua? Snapping + Turtle?  
 **Vasquez:**  This isn’t even my native language and I can guess what they are  
 **Red:**  It’s asking too much for his brain to comprehend   
 **Goodnight:**  I don’t think it has to do with language…  
 **Faraday:**  I know what is it I just don’t want to see one  
 **Vasquez:**  You claim to know  
 **Faraday:**  I do know  
 **Vasquez:**  You claim to  
 **Faraday:**  I don’t claim to be anything. But I know

* * *

**Card:**  WOOHOO! Goddamn I love ______  
 **Faraday:**  Everytime I think its someone else its you *grumbles*  
 **Goodnight:**  Your voice cracks once—  
 **Goodnight:**  And it’s held against you.  
 **Faraday:**  Mine?  
 **Vasquez:**  No, Goodnight’s  
 **Faraday:**  *snorts* True  
 **Vasquez:**  Well played, Red Harvest  
 **Red:**  Balls

* * *

-Vasquez wins the round-  
 **Faraday:**  Okay! This is not on purpose guys  
 **Vasquez:**  So you claim ;)  
 **Faraday:**  Stop with the charm  
 **Goodnight:**  oH i WON THIS  
 **Faraday:**  But don’t  
 **Vasquez:**  Stop with the….. whatever it is you’re doing  
 **Faraday:**  Ohh god  
 **Faraday:**  What am I doing?

* * *

-Card about the Native Americans and the White Man-   
 **Goodnight:**  I apologize, Red.  
 **Red:**  Damn right you better apologize  
 **Faraday:**  Yeah sorry

* * *

-Vasquez winning the whole game-  
 **Faraday:**  He won  
 **Red:**  Vas what the hell?  
 **Vasquez:**  I’m on fire  
 **Vasquez:**  Not literally  
 **Vasquez:**  You know what that feels like though, I imagine, Josh  
 **Red:**  That's your bit  
 **Faraday:**  You better not be  
 **Goodnight:**  I don’t think he felt anything.  
 **Faraday:**  Me? I mean I didn’t  
 **Red:**  It all went out with a bang  
 **Faraday:**  ….  
 **Goodnight:**  HA  
 **Vasquez:**  Wow  
 **Faraday:**  Rude  
 **Red:**  Suck it up buttercup  
 **Faraday:**  You suck it up  
 **Red:**  No that's your job  
 **Faraday:**  What is?  
 **Vasquez:**  Sucking things, I would assume  
 **Faraday:**  I don’t, unless it is liquid  
 **Goodnight:**  ….  
 **Faraday:**  NOT THat kind  
 **Red:**  I’ll just leave that there  
 **Vasquez:**  Are you trying to set yourself up to be ridiculed?  
 **Goodnight:**  Eeehhhh  
 **Faraday:**  NO  
 **Faraday:**  You need to get yer minds out of that stuff  
 **Goodnight:**  *casually sips coffee*

* * *

**Card:**  Instead of coal, Santa now gives ____ to naughty children for Christmas  
 **1 Answering Card:**  Owls, the perfect predator  
 **Faraday:**  You okay Goody  
 **Goodnight:**  Oh, good. No child deserves an Owl  
 **Faraday:**  Ohh..Probably

* * *

**Vasquez:**  If Faraday had been card czar I think I would have won…  
 **Faraday:**  With the thighs?  
 **Vasquez:**  Yes  
 **Red:**  Again with the thighs?  
 **Goodnight:**  Thick thighs save lives, Red  
 **Faraday:**  Billy don’t have any  
 **Goodnight:**  I don’t see how anything of Billy is your concern.  
 **Faraday:**  I am just saying.  
 **Goodnight:**  Yeah, yeah.  
 **Faraday:**  You have humps Red?  
 **Vasquez:**  To be fair, he does have pretty impressive pecs  
 **Red:**  Who?  
 **Faraday:**  And arms  
 **Faraday:**  Wait Billy or Red?  
 **Vasquez:**  I was talking about Red  
 **Goodnight:**  I believe he is talking about Red.  
 **Faraday:**  Red does too  
 **Red:**  Damn right I do. You staring?  
 **Vasquez:**  Relax, Red!  
 **Faraday:**  No why would I?

* * *

**Faraday:**  Guys?  
 **Goodnight:**  Yes?  
 **Red:**  What Faraday?  
 **Faraday:**  Do you think Jack would be upset if Red were to get drunk?…For science or whatever  
 **Vasquez:**  Probably  
 **Goodnight:**  A bit.  
 **Faraday:**  Damn  
 **Red:**  Wanna test that theory?

* * *

**Winning Card:**  Boring Vaginal Sex  
-Goodnight wins the round-  
 **Vasquez:**  Good Lord, Goodnight  
 **Faraday:**  That reads you all over it  
 **Goodnight:**  I am entitled to my opinion.  
 **Faraday:**  True

* * *

**Winning Card:**  Alcoholism  
 **Faraday:**  My friend  
 **Goodnight:**  I’ve never met any of those.  
 **Faraday:**  They are bottles  
 **Red:**  Those would be your only friends,. They don’t have to listen to you  
 **Faraday:**  Rude, Red  
 **Faraday:**  I am wounded you did this to me  
 **Goodnight:**  Do I need to bring out the world’s smallest violin?  
 **Faraday:**  Hey  
 **Faraday:**  Those are not a thing

* * *

-Goodnight winning the whole game-  
 **Vasquez:**  Damn, Goodnight  
 **Vasquez:**  And I thought I was good at this  
 **Faraday:**  Same  
 **Red:**  What gave you that impression?  
 **Goodnight:**  I don’t know if I should feel honored or ashamed that I won.  
 **Vasquez:**  The fact that I won the last round  
 **Faraday:**  Wow. Vas  
 **Red:**  I’m just here to make fun of you all

* * *

**Card:**  Man, this is bullshit. Fuck ________  
 **Goodnight:**  Oh, the irony of this carrrrd.  
 **Faraday:**  It can go two ways

* * *

**Non-winning card:**  Powerful thighs  
 **Faraday:**  THE ONE TIME I GET THAT CARD  
 **Red:**  Guess your thighs aren’t that good then  
 **Faraday:**  They are  
 **Red:**  I’ve seen better  
 **Faraday:**  Ohh yeah?  
 **Goodnight:**  Least he’s honest.  
 **Red:**  Yeah. Mine

* * *

**Winning Card:**  The hardworking Mexican  
 **Vasquez:**  I feel proud that I won the last round with a card that describes myself  
 **Faraday:**  Hardworking? You are  
 **Goodnight:**  I admit I laughed way too hard.  
 **Goodnight:**  Oh boy.  
 **Vasquez:**  Thank you, Faraday  
 **Faraday:**  Being so skinny and all  
 **Red:**  Get to the point Faraday  
 **Faraday:**  Not that I have noticed  
 **Red:**  That’s a bunch of bullshit  
 **Goodnight:**  I believe we know the point  
 **Faraday:**  You all saw him move that log right?  
 **Vasquez:**  Are you showing me off?  
 **Faraday:**  No!  
 **Vasquez:**  Hmm  
 **Goodnight:**  Hell will freeze over when that stops being true.

* * *

**Winning Card:**  American dream and multiple stab wounds played together  
 **Vasquez:**  Faraday, why does it seem like all your answers nearly tell your life story  
 **Goodnight:**  Pfft  
 **Faraday:**  Because I have a sad ass life

* * *

-Card about cowboys and finishing off the Indians-  
 **Goodnight:**  CHRIST  
 **Faraday:**  Huh?  
 **Goodnight:**  HE had that card  
 **Faraday:**  Yeah *laughing*  
 **Red:**  Am I wrong??  
 **Faraday:**  Nope  
 **Goodnight:**  I mean…

* * *

**Faraday:**  OH?  
 **Faraday:**  Ohh..  
 **Vasquez:**  What?  
 **Faraday:**  Nothing. just..Oh  
 **1 Answer Card:**  Owls, the perfect predator  
 **Goodnight:**  -sighs-  
 **Vasquez:**  Hmph  
 **Faraday:**  Gettin over that fear  
 **Goodnight:**  Oh, cruel fate.

* * *

**Card:**  Cream of ______ soup  
 **1 Answer Card:**  Seppuku  
 **Vasquez:**  Sounds tasty  
 **Faraday:**  Think Billy knows about that?  
 **Goodnight:**  That’s Japanese.  
 **Faraday:**  Oh, never mind  
 **Red:**  Typical  
 **Vasquez:**  ^^  
 **Goodnight:**  Hmph.

* * *

**Faraday:**  I am not sure about these things  
 **Faraday:**  They are tied  
 **Vasquez:**  Is there a problem?  
 **Red:**  Faraday, do you actually think before you speak?  
 **Vasquez:**  No. he doesn’t  
 **Faraday:**  Yeah..  
 **Goodnight:**  And I’m The Virgin Mary  
 **Red:**  You’re not a virgin after what I have to hear at night!  
 **Faraday:**  How’d that go Goody?  
 **Goodnight:**  You really wanna know?  
 **Faraday:**  Sure?  
 **Vasquez:**  No, I don’t  
 **Goodnight:**  For your sake, Vas.  
 **Vasquez:**  Thank you  
 **Vasquez:**  I may have regained a small amount of faith in humanity  
 **Faraday:**  Just now?  
 **Vasquez:**  Yes  
 **Vasquez:**  When Goodnight agreed not to tell us his story on my behalf  
 **Faraday:**  Oh,that is good  
 **Goodnight:**  I can keep my mouth shut unlike some people.  
 **Faraday:**  I do when I am sleeping  
 **Red:**  You have’t been sleeping much lately  
 **Faraday:**  I have  
 **Vasquez:**  How would you know that?  
 **Red:**  I have ears  
 **Faraday:**  And?  
 **Faraday:**  I don’t snore  
 **Goodnight:**  Think we should invest in some ear plugs?  
 **Red:**  Yes

* * *

**Faraday:**  Red…Should we have a talk?  
 **Red:**  What talk?  
 **Vasquez:**  Uh oh  
 **Faraday:**  Any talk  
 **Red:**  What are you going on about?  
 **Faraday:**  You know  
 **Faraday:**  Your last cards (Sexual tension + No talking = no sex)  
 **Goodnight:**  Stop while you’re ahead, Joshua.  
 **Vasquez:**  Too late  
 **Faraday:**  Its never late!


	4. Session 4

**Faraday:**  Its back   
 **Goodnight:**  And so, another thrilling game.   
 **Faraday:**  That and McCann is in too   
 **McCann:**  What did I miss in the “harass Faraday and make him look like an idiot” department   
 **Faraday:**  Nothing (Everything)  
 **Goodnight:**  A lot.   
 **Goodnight:**  Vas and I conquered.   
 **Faraday:**  They did   
 **Red:**  Faraday suffered   
 **McCann:**  I see   
 **Faraday:**  Did not   
 **Goodnight:**  Two words, Joshua.   
 **Goodnight:**  “Snapping” and “turtle”   
 **Red:**  They agreed I had the best thighs and pecs   
 **Faraday:**  That…Goody. No   
 **Faraday:**  Also Goody is mother of Jesus so   
 **Goodnight:**  Oh, yes. Of course.   
 **Faraday:**  Don’t know how that is possible   
 **Goodnight:**  Off to a marvelous start there.   
 **Red:**  Since when have you ever tried to understand something 

* * *

-Billy has left the game-  
 **Goodnight:**  Well, I’m alone now.   
 **Faraday:**  Ohh no Billy   
 **Faraday:**  BILLY?   
 **Red:**  Great, you scared him away!   
 **Faraday:**  No I didn’t

* * *

**Winning Card:**  Pixelated bukkake  
-McCann wins the round-  
 **Goodnight:**  Dear Lord.   
 **Faraday:**  Bu what?   
 **Goodnight:**  Nothing.   
 **Goodnight:**  BU-nothing.  
-Billy has joined the game-   
 **Faraday:**  He is back   
 **Red:**  Goddamnit all of you   
 **Goodnight:**  Welcome back, cher.   
 **Goodnight:**  Now what happened?   
 **Faraday:**  He is moody   
 **Red:**  I wonder who’s fault that is   
 **Faraday:**  You?   
 **Red:**  You   
 **Faraday:**  Hmm   
 **McCann:**  How were you ever born   
 **Red:**  Accident   
 **Goodnight:**  Well…   
 **Billy:**  But opium really helps   
 **Faraday:**  What?   
 **Faraday:**  I have never done that   
 **Goodnight:**  …It does.   
 **Billy:**  I think we could part with a bit. For Vasquez’s sake   
 **Faraday:**  Guys.   
 **Goodnight:**  Agreed.   
 **Red:**  What now?   
 **Faraday:**  No, there is nothing   
 **McCann:**  Ah yes your ever present lover seems to be absent right now   
 **Faraday:**  He had things to do   
 **Goodnight:**  You not being one of them.   
 **McCann:**  You sound disappointed   
 **Faraday:**  Hey   
 **Red:**  I’m surprised   
 **Faraday:**  Why?   
-Vasquez has joined the game-  
 **McCann:**  Ask and he shall appear   
 **Vasquez:**  Hello everyone   
 **Faraday:**  Hi   
 **Faraday:**  And shush you   
 **Goodnight:**  Pffft.   
 **McCann:**  Shoosh yourself   
 **Faraday:**  They wanna give you drugs Vas   
 **Red:**  I’ll keep all comments to myself   
 **Vasquez:**  What????   
 **Vasquez:**  What kind of drugs?   
 **Faraday:**  I dunno ask Goody and Billy   
 **Vasquez:**  Ahh   
 **Vasquez:**  Their opium?   
 **Faraday:**  Yes   
 **Vasquez:**  I think I’ll pass. I like having my wits about me, thank you very much

* * *

**Winning Card:**  Spontaneous human combustion  
-Vasquez wins the round-   
 **Faraday:**  You think about that often?   
 **Red:**  Again with the spontaneous human combustion, Vas, really?   
 **Vasquez:**  Think about what?   
 **Faraday:**  What Red said   
 **Red:**  Balls   
 **Faraday:**  No not that   
 **Vasquez:**  Not too often, except when I’m afraid it’s going to happen to you   
 **Faraday:**  It won’t   
 **Faraday:**  Again   
 **Faraday:**  I hope   
 **Vasquez:**  That doesn’t sound too certain   
 **Goodnight:**  Not holding my breath.   
 **McCann:**  You two are so sweet it’s sickening   
 **McCann:**  I'm choking back a sob   
 **Red:**  I’m going to throw up   
 **Faraday:**  No Goody and Billy will rot your teeth  
 **Vasquez:**  I can choke you regularly if you’d prefer, McCann   
 **Vasquez:**  Happily   
 **McCann:**  I think you wanna try that with Faraday no?   
 **Red:**  Keep your kinks in the bedroom for gods sake   
 **Goodnight:**  Is this a challenge?   
 **Faraday:**  Yeah. Wait..No what?   
 **Billy:**  It sounds like a challenge.   
 **Goodnight:**  I think it’s a challenge.   
 **Red:**  Count me out   
 **Faraday:**  To what choke you? I’ll help   
 **Vasquez:**  I offered to choke McCann   
 **Vasquez:**  But I can add Red to the list if he keeps up like this   
 **McCann:**  I’m not into you   
 **McCann:**  Thanks   
 **McCann:**  I know someone else who is though  
 **Faraday:**  I’ll help   
 **Faraday:**  I don’t care for you much either   
 **Faraday:**  And I didn’t challenge anyone   
 **Red:**  What list? You leave me out of this Vasquez   
 **Vasquez:**  I mean killing choking. Not kinky choking   
 **Faraday:**  Yeah that one I’ll do   
 **McCann:**  Kinky choking?   
 **McCann:**  God I didn’t need to know that   
 **Vasquez:**  You were the one to imply it, I was only responding to that   
 **Red:**  I am surrounded by idiots   
 **Goodnight:**  Excuse you.   
 **Faraday:**  I am not kinky   
 **Red:**  This whole conversation would say otherwise  
 **Faraday:**  McCann you must be the one to know that is a thing   
 **Vasquez:**  I am done trying to clarify what I said and who I was talking to   
 **Faraday:**  You don’t have to, I caught up

* * *

**Faraday:**  Red we are tied   
 **Red:**  Lucky me   
-Red wins the round-  
 **Faraday:**  WHy are you..I dunno..wow wounded, disowned as my brother Red   
 **Red:**  You were saying   
 **Faraday:**  Little shit   
 **Red:**  I live to please   
 **McCann:**  Are you just figuring that out now   
 **Faraday:**  No I never got to say that to him   
 **Faraday:**  You are a shit too  
 **Faraday:**  So you know   
 **McCann:**  Thank you   
 **McCann:**  Right back at you   
 **Faraday:**  *flips the bird*   
 **McCann:**  *flips double birds*   
 **Red:**  Behave   
 **Goodnight:**  Very mature.   
 **Faraday:**  He started it   
 **McCann:**  *rolls eyes*   
 **Red:**  And I'm the little shit   
 **Vasquez:**  Sometimes I think Goodnight and I are the only ones in this group who grew past adolescence   
 **Goodnight:**  …That did not help.   
 **Faraday:**  What about Billy   
 **Goodnight:**  I think you are forgetting about Billy…   
 **Vasquez:**  I didn’t realize he was here. My apologies   
 **Billy:**  I can make myself unforgettable.   
 **Faraday:**  He is too quiet   
 **Vasquez:**  I’m not sure I want to know what you mean by that   
 **Goodnight:**  Now, that’s not true.   
 **Faraday:**  I wanna tie a bell to him and Red   
 **Goodnight:**  Snapping turtle…   
 **McCann:**  What the fuck Faraday   
 **Vasquez:**  I second that   
 **Faraday:**  Goody I didn't   
 **Billy:**  I want to tie you to a rock.   
 **Billy:**  And let it sink.   
 **Red:**  Tie a bell on me and I’ll personally introduce you to a snapping turtle   
 **Faraday:**  You will not   
 **Goodnight:**  Well, that is a bit harsh, to be fair.   
 **Faraday:**  Yeah red   
 **Red:**  I don’t care   
 **Faraday:**  *pokes* Could you, it ain’t gonna kill you 

* * *

**Faraday:**  There is that card again   
 **Faraday:**  And no it's not me   
 **McCann:**  …   
 **Goodnight:**  …..   
 **Faraday:**  It aint   
 **Vasquez:**  What are you all bickering about now?   
 **Winning Card:**  Powerful thighs  
-Goodnight wins the round-  
 **Goodnight:**  *coughs*  
 **Faraday:**  Goody   
 **Goodnight:**  What?   
 **Faraday:**  Thighs   
 **Goodnight:**  Thighs are a wonderful thing, Joshua.   
 **Faraday:**  They are   
 **Red:**  Just not yours   
 **Billy:**  Tell us more.   
 **McCann:**  Good god   
 **Vasquez:**  What has happened to this conversation?   
 **Goodnight:**  Thighs have happened, Vas.   
 **Goodnight:**  Thighs.   
 **Faraday:**  Goody likes the ones you got Billy   
 **Billy:**  And I like his.   
 **Faraday:**  Whoa   
 **Red:**  Faraday’s obsession with thighs   
 **Faraday:**  It's not one   
 **Vasquez:**  Sure about that?   
 **Faraday:**  And it got derailed Vas   
 **Faraday:**  Yes   
 **McCann:**  You constantly talking about it seems to prove otherwise   
 **Faraday:**  No   
 **Red:**  Do you have an obsession with Vasquez’s then?   
 **Faraday:**  *stares Red down*…..No comment   
 **Red:**  Vas, does Faraday have an obsession with your thighs?   
 **Vasquez:**  *coughs awkwardly*   
 **Vasquez:**  Better to ask him than me   
 **Red:**  That's a yes   
 **Faraday:**  *shuffles card* My lips are sealed   
 **Goodnight:**  Pffft.   
 **McCann:**  On his thighs?   
 **Faraday:**  Wha?   
 **Goodnight:**  McCann.   
 **Goodnight:**  Really?   
 **McCann:**  Not my fault he made it so easy   
 **Faraday:**  Can we shoot him?   
 **Red:**  Can I throw him off a balcony?   
 **Vasquez:**  I’ll give it another go   
 **Vasquez:**  Shooting him, that is   
 **McCann:**  You’ve shot me already, I don’t see why you didn’t let me die then   
 **Vasquez:**  I should have   
 **McCann:**  You should have   
 **Faraday:**  I will help this time   
 **Vasquez:**  Good   
 **Faraday:**  Aww   
 **McCann:**  It’d save me from going through this hell   
 **Red:**  The things you do for love   
 **Faraday:**  Better than those other meat heads   
 **Goodnight:**  Do I need to break out the smallest violin again?  
 **Faraday:**  Yes   
 **Red:**  Do you know what a violin is Faraday?   
 **Faraday:**  Yeah   
 **Red:**  Wow that’s surprising   
 **Faraday:**  A fiddle   
 **Red:**  Got to take what you can

* * *

-Vasquez wins the round-   
 **Vasquez:**  Faraday, I WILL catch up to you one of these rounds…   
 **Faraday:**  Wanna bet?   
 **Vasquez:**  Sure   
 **Red:**  What are we betting on?   
 **Goodnight:**  Oh, Lord.   
 **Faraday:**  What do we bet?   
 **Vasquez:**  Loser buys a bottle of whiskey for the winner   
 **Faraday:**  Deal   
 **Red:**  That's a sad bet   
 **Faraday:**  What else would we bet?   
 **Goodnight:**  It’s nothing new.   
 **McCann:**  Not like they’d ever step it up   
 **Faraday:**  I can step it up   
 **Vasquez:**  Oh?   
 **Goodnight:**  This should be something to see.   
 **Red:**  I wanna see this   
 **Faraday:**  Dinner   
 **Goodnight:**  Dinner? That’s the step up?   
 **Red:**  Just the two of you?   
 **Faraday:**  Yes   
 **Faraday:**  …I mean   
-Vasquez has left the game-  
 **McCann:**  Look at that, you’ve made him leave again   
 **Faraday:**  Stop that   
 **Faraday:**  I did nothing   
 **Red:**  Its not like he's lying 

* * *

-Billy wins the round-  
 **Faraday:**  Could’ve guessed   
 **Goodnight:**  Really?   
 **Goodnight:**  Could you have?   
 **Faraday:**  Yes   
 **Billy:**  I didn’t know he had the capability.   
 **Faraday:**  It was him or Red I guessed   
 **Goodnight:**  I’m amazed.   
 **Red:**  Excuse me?   
 **Faraday:**  You heard me   
 **Faraday:**  Because if it ain’t me its you   
 **Red:**  You want to fight?   
 **Faraday:**  I’ll fight ya   
 **Goodnight:**  That’s a quick fight   
 **Red:**  It will be simple   
 **Billy:**  We know who our money is on.   
 **Goodnight:**  ….   
 **Goodnight:**  Just that pun alone is enough to make me give Red all my earnings.   
 **Faraday:**  No   
 **Faraday:**  I am not drunk. So I have a fighting chance   
 **Faraday:**  I haven’t had a drink all day   
 **McCann:**  That’s hard to believe   
 **Red:**  That's a bunch of bullshit   
 **Faraday:**  Why?   
 **Faraday:**  I have proof   
 **Red:**  I’ll go easy on you Faraday, for Vas   
 **Faraday:**  Go easy, I’ll say that to Jack   
 **Faraday:**  And Sam   
 **Red:**  You think you can take on Jack Horne, the LEGEND Jack Horne?   
 **Faraday:**  No about you when I win   
 **Red:**  You couldn’t stand a chance   
 **Faraday:**  Oh yeah?   
-After the fight, Faraday with tissues to stop bleeding nose-  
 **Red:**  I wont apologize. He was asking for it   
 **Faraday:**  Wow *sniffs*   
 **McCann:**  Honestly I don’t know what you were expecting   
-Red wins the whole game-  
 **Faraday:**  Wait he won the game   
 **Red:**  I won Bitch   
 **Faraday:**  I ain’t a bitch   
 **McCann:**  You just got your ass handed to you   
 **Faraday:**  I am going to bleed on you McCann  
 **Goodnight:**  ….That’s just unsanitary.   
 **Red:**  Knock yourself out


	5. Session 5

**Vasquez:**  Evening, everyone   
**Faraday:**  Hello hello!   
**Goodnight:**  Good evening.   
**Red:**  Got ourselves a full house tonight, hmm?   
**Goodnight:**  Sounds like a party.   
**Faraday:**  SHall we begin?   
**Red:**  I am, once again, God   
**Goodnight:**  And here we go. 

* * *

**Faraday:**  Jack you pick a white card that you best feel fits the blank   
**Faraday:**  And so on and so on   
**Horne:**  What in the world is a Card Czar?   
**Faraday:**  You pick the white card you like   
**Billy:**  You are a card god   
**Billy:**  Decide our fates   
**Billy:**  By picking the winner   
**Goodnight:**  …Why ya gotta make it sound like that?   
**Red:**  Don’t forget to click confirm selection   
**McCann:**  In Red's words   
**McCann:**  “I am God”   
**Red:**  Hey. I am God   
**Billy:**  “I am God.”   
-McCann wins the round-  
**Goodnight:**  Damn. I thought nipple blades would catch on…   
**Billy:**  I liked Funkie Fresh Rhymes   
**Billy:**  Whoever played that   
**Red:**  Why thank you Billy   
**Faraday:**  I..you would like that   
**Red:**  See Faraday, I am EMOTING   
**Faraday:**  Are you though?   
**Goodnight:**  BUT WE CAN’T SEE YOUR FACE. HOW DO WE KNOW   
**Goodnight:**  All I picture is :|  
**Billy:**  Does my face show emoting?   
**Goodnight:**  It does in certain situations. 

* * *

**Faraday:**  No guys my eye is pretty swollen   
**Goodnight:**  Well, that’s not our fault now is it?   
**Faraday:**  You took bets   
**Goodnight:**  We always take bets.   
**Faraday:**  Well yeah   
**Goodnight:**  It’s what we do.   
**Billy:**  Leading cows to water doesn’t make them drink.   
**Faraday:**  Point taken and being..? We need better gigs   
**Goodnight:**  Very true. But…it’s "Horses”. 

* * *

**Goodnight:**  Jack. You doin’ alright?   
**Horne:**  Oh yeah. Just worried for you all. 

* * *

**Faraday:**  Powerful thighs   
-Vasquez has left the game-  
**McCann:**  *laughing his ass off*

* * *

-Horne wins the round-  
**Faraday:**  Wow Jack *pats his shoulder*   
**Red:**  That's the nicest thing Faraday has done this whole time   
**Goodnight:**  Right?   
**Faraday:**  I am a nice person   
**Billy:**  Maybe something in the blast fixed him.   
**Faraday:**  …   
**Faraday:**  All of us 

* * *

**Goodnight:**  Alright. Impress me, boys.   
**Faraday:**  Are you impressed   
-Faraday wins the round-  
**Goodnight:**  Eh.   
**McCann:**  Too bad there was no owls   
**Goodnight:**  No, no. I greatly appreciated that were none.   
**Billy:**  So do I.   
**Faraday:**  I do as well 

* * *

-Horne wins the round-   
**Horne:**  Wow and I’m not even completely sure what I did   
**Red:**  Well you’re doing better than I am   
**Faraday:**  You got a point   
**Goodnight:**  Red has none.   
**Billy:**  The goal is to beat Faraday.   
**McCann:**  The goal is to never let him win   
**Horne:**  Sounds like a good goal   
**Goodnight:**  It’s a marvelous goal, really. 

* * *

-Horne wins the round  
**Goodnight:**  Whoa.   
**Faraday:**  Who’s sex life   
**Red:**  I don’t want to know about any of yours   
**Goodnight:**  No. You just want our stories.   
**Faraday:**  No   
**Faraday:**  I hear your stories   
**McCann:**  Gross Faraday 

* * *

**Goodnight:**  And here we are.   
**Goodnight:**  CHOP CHOP, BOYS.   
**Goodnight:**  Impress me!   
**Faraday:**  I hope mine will   
-McCann wins the round-

* * *

**Card:**  ______, betcha can't have just one!  
**Wining Card:**  Bullets  
-Billy wins the round-  
**Goodnight:**  One bullet is more than enough, thank you.   
**Faraday:**  I just had one   
**Faraday:**  In my gut   
**McCann:**  I should know   
**Red:**  And you all got plenty   
**Billy:**  Me too   
**Goodnight:**  Me too.   
**McCann:**  You had more than one Faraday you liar   
**Red:**  I didn't   
**Faraday:**  Ohh yeah. That just kinda blacks out   
**Horne:**  Arrows are worse   
**Goodnight:**  Okay. All things penetrating are bad.   
**Goodnight:**  ….   
**Goodnight:**  …I did not think that through….   
**McCann:**  Well…   
**Red:**  Want to rephrase that Goody?   
**Faraday:**  Goody   
**Billy:**  I think you do.   
**McCann:**  That was a bit too much info   
**Horne:**  I have no words   
**Goodnight:**  MOST penetrating things…are bad.   
**Red:**  Not fixing it   
**Faraday:**  Jack's got a cool scar on his hand   
**Horne:**  It wasn’t worth it   
**Faraday:**  I mean..You helped Teddy   
**Horne:**  I meant the scar isn’t worth having an arrow shot through my hand…Teddy was certainly worth it   
**Faraday:**  Oh, yeah I have many of those   
-Billy wins the round-  
**Horne:**  You’re too good at this Billy   
**Goodnight:**  Very nice, cher.   
**Billy:**  Compliment me all you want, Goody, it’s not fixing that last comment.   
**Billy:**  But thank you, Jack.   
**Goodnight:**  I.. But… Well, fine.

* * *

**Card:**  What is the most emo?  
**Winning Card:**  Explosions  
-McCann wins the round-  
**Faraday:**  WOW   
**McCann:**  Nailed it   
**Goodnight:**  Very nice.   
**Faraday:**  More like lit the fuse   
**Billy:**  If only Goody had been the czar.   
**McCann:**  But there was no owls   
**Billy:**  There was self-loathing.   
**Goodnight:**  Did you put that there, Billy?   
**Billy:**  ….   
**Goodnight:**  Okay. Noted.   
**Faraday:**  Are you two okay?   
**Billy:**  Of course.   
**Billy:**  Want us to show you?   
**Red:**  Trouble in paradise?   
**Faraday:**  No..?   
**Goodnight:**  Is it really any of your concern?   
**Faraday:**  Si..?   
**Red:**  Bored and it's interesting 

* * *

-Red wins the round-   
**Red:**  FINALLY   
**Horne:**  There ya go, Red   
**Faraday:**  Aww Red buddy   
**Red:**  Shut up   
**Faraday:**  Neeeverrr 

* * *

-Faraday wins the round-  
**Faraday:**  *finger guns*   
**Goodnight:**  *rolls eyes*   
**Faraday:**  *small finger guns*   
**Red:**  Put those finger guns away. You know half this group doesn’t do well with guns   
**Faraday:**  *No finger guns* Okay 

* * *

**Card:**  I am become ________, destroyer of _________!  
**McCann:**  Why is it always with the thighs   
**Goodnight:**  Do I need to go over this again?   
**Goodnight:**  Thick thighs, save lives.  
**Faraday:**  Why not?   
**Red:**  Faraday and his obsession with thighs   
**Winning Card:**  Aaron Burr, Powerful thighs  
-Faraday wins the round-  
**Faraday:**  HA   
**McCann:**  I KNEW IT   
**Faraday:**  Did you   
**McCann:**  I had suspicions yes   
**Faraday:**  Good…Good 

* * *

**Faraday:**  I am almost tied with Billy   
**Red:**  Beat his ass Billy. In personal opinion, it isnt a hard task   
**Faraday:**  It happened   
**Billy:**  Dammit, Red.   
**Red:**  Then do something about it 

* * *

-Horne wins the round-  
**Horne:**  I’m catching up!   
**Faraday:**  He is

* * *

**Card:**  If you can't handle ______, then you shouldn't try ______  
**Goodnight:**  I believe have this one.   
**Winning Card:**  Slowly easing down on a cucumber, Double penetration  
-Goodnight wins the round-  
**McCann:**  So you did   
**Goodnight:**  Thank you, kindly.  
**Faraday:**  *stares*   
**Red:**  DAMNIT GOODNIGHT   
**McCann:**  Personal experience?   
**Billy:**  Thought you didn’t like things that penetrate.   
**Goodnight:**  Excuse me?   
**Goodnight:**  Just play the damn game..   
**Faraday:**  Whoa   
**Horne:**  I’ll pray for your soul, Goodnight   
**Goodnight:**  Someone better pray, I tell you that. 

* * *

-Horne wins the round-  
**Faraday:**  Three way tie   
**Goodnight:**  How’re you likin’ the game, Jack?   
**Horne:**  It’s very….strange   
**Faraday:**  In a good way?   
**Horne:**  I suppose, though I think we all need a prayer or two for our souls after this is over   
**Faraday:**  When will that be?   
-Red wins the round-  
**Horne:**  Change of subject…Good job, Red   
**Red:**  Thanks old man   
**Goodnight:**  Pffft   
**Horne:**  Hey now I’m not that old   
**Faraday:**  You are   
**Goodnight:**  A bit.   
**Red:**  Tread lightly there Goody   
**Goodnight:**  Now what did I do?   
**Faraday:**  We are all old too Red   
**Horne:**  Well with age comes wisdom   
**Goodnight:**  ….Alright. You got me there.   
**Faraday:**  I have some of that   
**Horne:**  You’re still too young for wisdom   
**Faraday:**  What?   
**Billy:**  Too young.   
**Faraday:**  I am a hellova lot older then Red   
**Red:**  Definitely look it too   
**Horne:**  You don’t act it though   
**Faraday:**  Hey   
**Goodnight:**  No he does not.   
**Faraday:**  Why should i?   
**Faraday:**  If I act it I will feel it   
**Goodnight:**  You’ll feel it no matter what eventually.   
**Faraday:**  Yeah and I’ll be feeling it sooner now

* * *

**Card:**  Here at the Academy for Gifted Children, we allow students to explore _______ at their own pace  
**Choices:**  A whole lotta women, Boring Vaginal Sex, Sexual humiliation, All the single ladies  
**Faraday:**  This says something   
**McCann:**  Seems all of you were on the same page   
**Winning Card:**  Sexual humiliation  
-Red wins the round-  
**Faraday:**  …   
**Red:**  Hell yeah   
**Goodnight:**  Well, damn.   
**Faraday:**  I wasted a whole lotta woman   
**Goodnight:**  And I wasted mine.   
**Goodnight:**  I would not mind being wasted right now, let me tell you.   
**Faraday:**  Same 

* * *

-McCann wins the whole game-  
**Faraday:**  WHAT   
**McCann:**  Hell yeah   
**McCann:**  Suck it Faraday   
**Goodnight:**  Well done, McCann.   
**Goodnight:**  …I can’t believe I actually said that.   
**Billy:**  At least it wasn’t Faraday   
**Faraday:**  Go clean your mouth out   
**Goodnight:**  Too late for me now, I’m afraid   
**McCann:**  Go clean yours after all the sucking you did   
**Faraday:**  I don’t suck   
**Faraday:**  For all you know 

* * *

**Goodnight:**  So…am I forgiven yet…?   
**Billy:**  I wasn’t mad.   
**Faraday:**  Aww   
**Billy:**  I was just having fun.   
**Faraday:**  You guys are so cute   
**Goodnight:**  Well, now I just feel plain dumb.   
**Red:**  Being a fool again Goody?   
**Faraday:**  Welcome to my world   
**Goodnight:**  Guess so. 

* * *

**Faraday:**  I.Am.God   
**Goodnight:**  Ehh…   
**Faraday:**  No   
-Red wins the round-  
**Faraday:**  ….   
**Faraday:**  He had that card  
**Goodnight:**  I wasted two more cards. Damn.   
**Billy:**  So did I.   
**Billy:**  I wasted cock and my soul.   
**Faraday:**  SOrry   
**Red:**  Just ask Goody, he should be able to help you Billy   
**Goodnight:**  Survivor’s Guilt and a lifetime of sadness.   
**Faraday:**  Ohhh   
**Billy:**  We don’t have to ask.   
**Goodnight:**  Exactly.

* * *

**Faraday:**  My legs killin me   
**Goodnight:**  …Massage it?   
**Red:**  What were you riding this time?   
**Faraday:**  Jack my horse   
**Red:**  Clarification was definitely necessary   
**McCann:**  Jesus   
**Goodnight:**  ….I may need to scrub my brain.   
**Faraday:**  Wow guys..wow   
**Horne:**  ….   
**Billy:**  Goody, where are our cigarettes?   
**Billy:**  I need one now.   
**Goodnight:**  Nightstand, cher.   
**Faraday:**  WHy did you all go there>   
**Goodnight:**  Please get me one as well?   
**Red:**  You make it easy   
**Faraday:**  Do not   
**McCann:**  He’s not exactly lying 

* * *

-Horne wins the round-  
**Goodnight:**  HA   
**Faraday:**  WHoa   
**Goodnight:**  Well played.   
**Faraday:**  Wow Jack   
**Goodnight:**  He’s pretty good at this.   
**Red:**  Should we find that comforting?   
**Faraday:**  For a man of god   
**Faraday:**  No   
**McCann:**  And we all said this game would kill him   
**Billy:**  I don’t know if we should be glad for inviting him or not.   
**Horne:**  It probably will kill me at some point   
**Red:**  We guessed a heart attack first   
**Goodnight:**  Oh, it’s just some harmless fun.   
**Faraday:**  Let’s not kill him’   
**Red:**  I'd probably cause it 

* * *

-Vasquez has joined the game.-  
**Goodnight:**  Welcome back, Vas.   
**Faraday:**  Hey   
**Vasquez:**  Evening gents  
**McCann:**  You missed the “Faraday sucking it” part   
**Faraday:**  McCann won   
**Faraday:**  The game   
**Vasquez:**  This sounds interesting   
**Faraday:**  And Jack can keep up with us 

* * *

**Card:**  Why won't you make love to me anymore? Is it _______?  
**Winning Card:**  My dead son's baseball glove  
-Billy wins the round-  
**McCann:**  Damn I wasted a card   
**Vasquez:**  Good going, Jack   
**Goodnight:**  Christ, cher.   
**Billy:**  That would put a halt to sex.   
**Goodnight:**  You’re not wrong.   
**Horne:**  Thank you, Vasquez   
**Vasquez:**  Sure thing, amigo

* * *

**Faraday:**  No but guys we should be drinking   
**Billy:**  You should never be drinking.   
**McCann:**  You’re always drinking though  
**Vasquez:**  If you buy, I’m in   
**Faraday:**  I’ll buy   
**Faraday:**  And I do not   
**Vasquez:**  Didn’t realize you had such a charitable spirit, Faraday   
**Faraday:**  I was using the money for it anyhow   
**Horne:**  I’ve already been drinking to be honest   
**Red:**  Usually you’d chug it down in one go   
**Vasquez:**  Dammit, Faraday   
**Faraday:**  No I cannot   
**Red:**  I’ll drink   
**McCann:**  No wonder we’re always broke   
**Faraday:**  You are broke. we are not 

* * *

**Card:**  Get ready for the movie of the summer! One cop plays by the book. The other's only interested in one thing: ______  
**Winning Card:**  Actually taking candy from a baby  
-McCann wins the round-  
**Goodnight:**  You would, McCann. You would.   
**Faraday:**  He beat me to that 

* * *

**Card:**  Money can't buy me love but it can buy me _______!  
**Winning Card:**  Meaningless sex  
-Red wins the round-  
**Faraday:**  What   
**Billy:**  Good job to whoever played oil.   
**McCann:**  Thank you   
**Faraday:**  Ohh 

* * *

**Vasquez:**  I’ve got a handful of shit cards   
**Red:**  I’ve noticed

* * *

-Goodnight has joined the game-  
-Vasquez wins the round-  
**Vasquez:**  At last   
**Faraday:**  Still ahead   
**Vasquez:**  For now   
**Goodnight:**  And here I am back at nothing.   
**Faraday:**  Ohh Goody  
**Faraday:**  We still got that bet?   
**Vasquez:**  Which bet?   
**Faraday:**  The one with drinks   
**Vasquez:**  Thought you were buying tonight   
-Faraday wins the round-  
**Vasquez:**  Damn   
**Faraday:**  Ha!   
**Goodnight:**  Play the game, Joshua.   
**Faraday:**  I did Goodnight   
**Faraday:**  And I am but then I remembered   
**Vasquez:**  So the offer no longer stands?   
**Faraday:**  Which   
**Faraday:**  I’ll still buy   
**Vasquez:**  Then why bet?   
**Goodnight:**  It’s all he knows.   
**Faraday:**  We can do both   
**Vasquez:**  I see   
**McCann:**  Weren’t you gonna step up your bet   
**Vasquez:**  You’re on   
**Faraday:**  I need a drink so either way   
**Vasquez:**  That’s fair   
**Faraday:**  WHat is?   
**Vasquez:**  The bet and your offer   
**Faraday:**  Ohh yeah good   
**Faraday:**  Drinks all around   
**Goodnight:**  …Are you feeling alright?   
**Red:**  I’ll take it   
**Faraday:**  I am in pain and need a drink. Red is in?   
**Goodnight:**  What do you say, cher? You in?   
**Red:**  I'll drink   
**Faraday:**  Are you allowed?   
**Faraday:**  Jack is he..allowed   
**Red:**  What do you mean ‘Am I allowed’?   
**McCann:**  You say it as if he’s not an adult   
**Goodnight:**  Just how old do you think he is?   
**Faraday:**  Young   
**Faraday:**  But okay   
**Red:**  Just give me the goddamn drink   
**Faraday:**  *passes him a drink* Fine   
**Red:**  Damn straight   
**Red:**  Too young my ass   
**Faraday:**  You are younger then me, sue me

* * *

-Red wins the round-  
**Faraday:**  That drink getting to ya?   
**Red:**  In your dreams   
**Faraday:**  No 

* * *

**Faraday:**  Okay McCann is winning again   
**McCann:**  Do better then   
**Faraday:**  I am, my cards are shit 

* * *

**Goodnight:**  …..   
**Winning Card:**  Owls  
-Billy wins the round-  
**Goodnight:**  I knew it   
**McCann:**  Ouch   
**Faraday:**  Billy   
**Red:**  Harsh   
**Billy:**  Another cigarette, Goody?   
**Goodnight:**  Yes, please. 

* * *

-Faraday wins the round-  
**Red:**  Faraday, I expected nothing less from you   
**Faraday:**  Oh?   
**Red:**  Goblins and AIDS Monkeys   
**Faraday:**  Yes 

* * *

-McCann wins the round-  
**Goodnight:**  Damn   
**Faraday:**  What is it   
**Goodnight:**  Mine was “Deez Nuts”   
**Goodnight:**  I wanted to say the thing.   
**Faraday:**  Ohh. I thought it was…never mind 

* * *

-McCann wins the round-  
-McCann wins the whole game-  
**Goodnight:**  How can you ignore the word “grundle”?   
**Faraday:**  You can’t   
**Goodnight:**  And yet…it was.   
**Faraday:**  Nice   
**Red:**  I dont…I dont want to know   
**Goodnight:**  Pfft.   
**Faraday:**  Know what   
**Goodnight:**  I believe he was refering to the “grundle”   
**Faraday:**  Oh


	6. Session 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the wait! Was planning on getting this out much earlier buuuuutttt...... =v=;;;;

**Vasquez:**  We know you well  
**Vasquez:**  Too well, I think sometimes  
**Faraday:**  Same  
**Faraday:**  I need to stop being an open book

* * *

**Card:**  Here is the church, here is the steeple, open the doors, and there is ________  
**Winning Card:**  Me  
-Billy wins the round-  
**Faraday:**  That sounds scary  
**McCann:**  Sounds like a horror  
**Faraday:**  It does  
**Billy:**  Me?  
**Faraday:**  To open the door and see you standing alone, I don’t wanna scare you and end up six feet under  
**Billy:**  You've done plenty by now for me to put you six feet under.  
**Faraday:**  But..But You have not  
**Vasquez:**  I think Emma may be our group's professional at killing people in churches  
**Faraday:**  And Goodnight and Billy too  
**Red:**  What are you all going on about?  
**McCann:**  Death in a church  
**Faraday:**  Killin people in churches  
**Goodnight:**  Excuse me?  
**Faraday:**  I mean you guys were in a church. kinda  
**Billy:**  We did a very good job, Goody.  
**Goodnight:**  I'd rightly say so.  
**Goodnight:**  We did.  
**Red:**  Sam knows all about that. Does killing people from a church count?  
**Faraday:**  It does  
**Faraday:**  They did  
**Faraday:**  And I am good with explosives  
**Red:**  And that worked out great for you didn't it?  
**Faraday:**  Kinda  
**Vasquez:**  We all know that, showoff  
**Faraday:**  Yeah says the guy who dropped his cover

* * *

**Card:**  With enough time and pressure, ______ will turn into ________  
**Winning Card:**  Whipping a disobedient slave, The mixing of the races  
-Goodnight wins the round-  
**Billy:**  Goody.  
**Goodnight:**  I... uhm,,

* * *

**Faraday:**  My cards are shit  
**Vasquez:**  Mine too  
**McCann:**  Same here

* * *

**Card:**  The Smithsonian Museum of Natural History has just opened an exhibit on ______  
**Winning Card:**  My dad’s dumb fucking face  
-Red wins the round-  
**Faraday:**  I have no clue what that looks like

* * *

**Card:**  In return for my soul, the Devil promised me ____, but all I got was _____  
**Winning Card:**  Treasures beyond your wildest dreams,  An erection that lasts longer than four hours  
-Billy wins the round-  
**Vasquez:**  Dammit, Billy  
**Faraday:**  Damn  
**McCann:**  Billy is the only one without shit cards apparently

* * *

**Card:**  In a world ravaged by _____, our only solace is _______  
**McCann:**  Is the powerful thighs you again Faraday  
**Faraday:**  No  
**McCann:**  Or is it the alcohol  
**Billy:**  Probably the explosions  
**Faraday:**  I cannot confirm that  
**Goodnight:**  Can't deny it either?  
**Faraday:**  I can  
**Faraday:**  ..Try to  
**Winning Card:**  Alcoholism, Explosions  
-Faraday wins the round-  
**McCann:**  Nope  
**Goodnight:**  I had the thigh card.  
**Faraday:**  Ah thank you  
**Faraday:**  Who had the Alamo?  
**Billy:**  Me.  
**Vasquez:**  Faraday, you need help  
**McCann:**  So we can confirm then the powerful thighs card will either most likely be Goodnight or Faraday  
**Faraday:**  I didn't hear that what, Amigo?  
**Vasquez:**  So the explosion damaged your hearing too?  
**Vasquez:**  YOU  
**Vasquez:**  NEED  
**Vasquez:**  HELP  
**Goodnight:**  Pfft.  
**Red:**  And the rest of us don't? Have you even been paying attention  
**Faraday:**  God damn! Now it’s damaged  
**Vasquez:**  I think most of you can see Faraday probably needs it more  
**Faraday:**  I don't need help  
**McCann:**  That is a big sign and indication that you need help  
**Faraday:**  No its not  
**Vasquez:**  It is  
**Red:**  You need help. You all need serious help  
**Faraday:**  Is this an intervention?  
**Vasquez:**  Yes  
**Faraday:**  I don't wanna talk about my feelings  
**Vasquez:**  Have a few drinks, that'll get you started  
**Red:**  None of us do  
**Faraday:**  Red's on my side?  
**Red:**  I hate this idea  
**Faraday:**  I do too buddy

* * *

**Card:**  Finally! A service that delivers _____ right to your door  
**First Card:**  The placenta  
**Faraday:**  That first one sounds weird

* * *

-Billy wins the round-  
-Billy wins the whole game-  
**Faraday:**  He won  
**Billy:**  You sound surprised.  
**Goodnight:**  Well done, cher.  
**Billy:**  Thank you.  
**Faraday:**  I'm not  
**Red:**  I have given up on being surprised by you people  
**Faraday:**  As you should be. Next round?  
**McCann:**  You say it as if any of us have ever surprised you  
**Red:**  You're right. You’ve never

* * *

**Card:**  Coming to Broadway this season, ______: The Musical  
**Faraday:**  Ohh look Red  
**Faraday:**  You are God  
**Red:**  Damn right I Am God  
**Winning Card:**  The hardworking Mexican  
-Billy wins the round-  
**Faraday:**  Vasquez the musical  
**McCann:**  What would that musical even be like  
**Faraday:**  Not sure  
**Red:**  It would be like exactly what it sounds like  
**Faraday:**  Yeah, maybe

* * *

**Goodnight:**  It is certainly not my night.  
**Faraday:**  Aww  
**Faraday:**  Maybe it will be later? *nuges with elbow*  
**Billy:**  I did win.

* * *

**Card:**  In a world ravaged by _____, our only solace is _______  
**Winning Card:**  Shaquille O’Neal’s acting career, Ethan Hawke’s Ass  
-Billy wins the round-  
**Goodnight:**  That man does have a wonderful ass.  
**Red:**  Billy, what is your opinion on that matter?  
**Faraday:**  He looks like you  
**Red:**  You think so?  
**Billy:**  I have to agree with Goody on that one.  
**Faraday:**  Think there are twins or whatever of the rest of us?  
**Billy:**  I hope you don't have a twin.  
**McCann:**  Amen to that  
**Faraday:**  Me?  
**Faraday:**  No it  
**Faraday:**  I mean it'd be great  
**Goodnight:**  Dear Lord. I hope not.  
**McCann:**  One of you is enough  
**Faraday:**  Ohh come on guys  
**Goodnight:**  The world can only handle one.  
**Faraday:**  It can handle two  
**McCann:**  It can NOT handle two  
**Faraday:**  Sure whatever you say

* * *

-Faraday wins the round-  
**Faraday:**  Ohh. We are tied  
-McCann wins the round-  
**Faraday:**  Ah Hell  
**McCann:**  Not anymore

* * *

**Faraday:**  Can it get more to shit then now?  
**Goodnight:**  What now?  
**Faraday:**  The world

* * *

**Card:**  Members of New York’s social elite are paying thousands of dollars just to experience ______  
**Winning Card:**  A lamprey swimming up the toilet and latching onto your taint  
-Billy wins the round-  
**Faraday:**  OW  
**Goodnight:**  Christ  
**Faraday:**  The hell is that  
**Faraday:**  Like a snapping turtle?  
**Goodnight:**  ....No.  
**Faraday:**  Oh good, but not good  
**Billy:**  Fish thing.  
**Goodnight:**  It's like a worm with teeth.  
**Faraday:**  Can we eat i-...Can we shoot it?  
**Goodnight:**  You want to eat t?  
**Faraday:**  No  
**McCann:**  Is that your first reaction to every animal  
**Faraday:**  Maybe  
**Goodnight:**  What in the world is wrong... No. Forget it.  
**Faraday:**  Survival Goody  
**Faraday:**  You have to eat to live  
**Goodnight:**  Why would you be near a lamprey anyhow?  
**McCann:**  There are plenty of other non dangerous animals and food that you can eat to survive  
**Billy:**  We've survived long enough without your help.  
**Red:**  Survival of the fittest. The weak don't survive  
**Faraday:**  I don't know. And I have eaten a snake before  
**Red:**  Want to try it?  
**Goodnight:**  It...It's not..  
**Faraday:**  What  
**McCann:**  You can at least shoot a snake, are you gonna go shoot a fish  
**Goodnight:**  It is nothing like a snake.  
**Faraday:**  A snake is more like Chicken  
**Goodnight:**  How have you survived this long?  
**Faraday:**  I was showed how to  
**McCann:**  Pure stupidity  
**Red:**  Luck  
**Faraday:**  Why do you question it?  
**Faraday:**  Its not like I had the liberty of parents or anyone to show me much  
**Goodnight:**  I... Well...  
**Faraday:**  You well..?  
**Goodnight:**  Nothing. I have...nothing to say on that...  
**Faraday:**  Yeah...  
**McCann:**  Well since you have people now and not your own lone dumbass self, maybe you can ask help from them  
**Faraday:**  Why would I do that?  
**Goodnight:**  ....  
**Goodnight:**  I need a cigarette.  
**Faraday:**  You all pick on me  
**Faraday:**  Sorry  
**Billy:**  If he doesn't ask for help, maybe there'll be a day we don't have to worry about him.  
**McCann:**  Because I feel like anytime now I'm gonna see either Vasquez, Goodnight, Horne, or hell even Sam have an early death cause of your stupidity and craziness  
**McCann:**  Maybe that might spur you a little  
**Faraday:**  It does.. or it has  
**McCann:**  *raises a brow*  
**Faraday:**  I have a heart  
**Faraday:**  And a brain  
**Red:**  The question is: Do you use them?  
**McCann:**  Having those would require to think a little bit more about others and how they feel  
**Billy:**  And he wouldn't dare to get one of those people killed.  
**Faraday:**  I am not going to get anyone killed but myself  
**Goodnight:**  Hey, hey now.... Maybe...we all shouldn't jump on him like this...  
**Goodnight:**  Granted...he does deserve most of it... But...  
**McCann:**  *groans*  
**Faraday:**  I'd take a bullet for anyone here without thinking  
**Billy:**  You do everything like that.  
**McCann:**  "Without thinking"  
**Faraday:**  Hell I did take bullets for people  
**Goodnight:**  Billy...  
**Faraday:**  I did  
**McCann:**  A battle/war is a different story  
**Billy:**  I'll be good.  
**Red:**  You all, I swear  
**Faraday:**  Its not  
**Faraday:**  What Red'  
**Faraday:**  You are the only family, or close to, that I have  
**Red:**  Aren't you sweet  
**Goodnight:**  Red.  
**Red:**  What  
**Faraday:**  I was being sweet  
**Goodnight:**  I know it's in jest, but... Come on now.  
**Faraday:**  I'm gonna stop now.  
**Red:**  If that's what you want to call that  
**Goodnight:**  *sighs*  
**Faraday:**  Its fine Goodnight  
**Faraday:**  I'll be fine  
**Billy:**  Cigarette, Faraday?  
**Faraday:**  You would give me one? *surprised*  
**Billy:**  We can be civil.  
**Faraday:**  Alright. I'd like one  
**Faraday:**  Thanks  
**Billy:**  Better now, Goody?  
**Faraday:**  Dynamite  
**Goodnight:**  Much.

* * *

**Card:**  What’s the next Happy Meal toy?  
**Winning Card:**  Chunks of dead prostitute  
-Billy wins the round-  
**Faraday:**  Dark  
**Goodnight:**  Well done again, cher.  
**Faraday:**  Wow, good game  
**Billy:**  Thank you.  
**McCann:**  Billy's on a roll  
**Faraday:**  He is

* * *

**Card:**  During sex, I like to think about _______  
**Faraday:**  *rubs hands together* Okay bring them on  
**Winning Card:**  Party Mexicans  
-Billy wins the round-  
**Goodnight:**  He brought it.  
**McCann:**  What a surprise  
**Billy:**  I think about that ass. (Another card)  
**Faraday:**  Its not  
**McCann:**  That was sarcasm dumbass  
**Faraday:**  Shit  
**Goodnight:**  Well. I'm flattered.

* * *

**Card:**  During his midlife crisis, my dad got really into ____  
**Winning Card:**  Chris Pratt’s Thighs  
-Red wins the round-  
**Faraday:**  The Hells a Chris Pratt?  
**Goodnight:**  Sounds like a disease.  
**Faraday:**  Sounds like a cool guy  
**McCann:**  Sounds like an asshole  
**Billy:**  I think I'd hate him.  
**Faraday:**  Why?  
**Billy:**  Pratt  
**Faraday:**  Ohh  
**Red:**  Sounds like "Crisp Rat"  
**Faraday:**  *snorts* Yeah

* * *

-Billy wins the round-  
**McCann:**  Damn  
**McCann:**  Wasted 2 cards  
**Goodnight:**  Well...  
**Faraday:**  Huh  
**Red:**  Sucks to be you McCann  
**Goodnight:**  Yet, he's in the lead  
**Faraday:**  He does suck  
**McCann:**  You suck more  
**Faraday:**  Suck what?  
**McCann:**  ...  
**Faraday:**  Yes?  
**Goodnight:**  Oh boy.  
**McCann:**  do you ever think before you speak  
**Faraday:**  No  
**Goodnight:**  Was this not the point of the conversation earlier?  
**Goodnight:**  Well..one point.  
**McCann:**  And you wonder why you make it easy to get teased  
**Faraday:**  Maybe  
**Billy:**  Don't start this again.  
**Faraday:**  Please

* * *

**Card:**  Behind every powerful man is ______  
**Faraday:**  Texas  
**Winning Card:**  Texas  
-McCann wins the round-  
**Red:**  Texas?  
**Billy:**  We met in Texas.  
**Goodnight:**  We did!  
**Faraday:**  Did we?  
**Billy:**  Not you.  
**Faraday:**  Never mind  
**Goodnight:**  Clearly he does not remember my riveting account on our meeting.  
**Billy:**  I don't know how.  
**Faraday:**  I forgot for a moment  
**Red:**  You were drunk most of the time\  
**Faraday:**  Truth

* * *

**Card:**  And would you like those buffalo wings mild, hot, or ________?  
**Winning Card:**  Indescribable loneliness  
-Faraday wins the round-  
**McCann:**  Wow  
**Faraday:**  Huh?  
**McCann:**  A little close to home there Faraday?  
**Faraday:**  A bit yeah  
**Goodnight:**  Pfft.  
**Faraday:**  Why I drink  
**Goodnight:**  ....Wow.

* * *

**Goodnight:**  Seems we are tied, Joshua.  
**Faraday:**  We are  
**Red:**  Right at you McCann  
-McCann wins the round-  
**Red:**  Fuck  
**McCann:**  Not anymore  
**Red:**  Clearly  
**Faraday:**  Hit him Red  
**Red:**  Gladly  
**McCann:**  Please dont  
**Red:**  And whys that?  
**Red:**  Yes. It's not like you have a pretty face to ruin  
**Faraday:**  He will mess you up  
**Goodnight:**  ...Damn.  
**Red:**  Thank you Faraday  
**Faraday:**  No problem  
**McCann:**  I'm worried less about my physical appearance and more of the possible life threatening painful injuries i may face  
**Red:**  Close enough  
**Faraday:**  They are painful  
**Goodnight:**  I am so grateful that I will never have to find out.

* * *

 

 **Card:**  What’s that sound?  
**Winning Card:**  A constant need for validation  
-Faraday wins the round-  
**Goodnight:**  ...What's sadder? That you played that or that I picked that?  
**Faraday:**  Both  
**Red:**  Probably  
**Billy:**  That he played it.  
**Billy:**  Not you, Goody.  
**Faraday:**  Oh  
**Red:**  Nothing is his fault in your eyes  
**Faraday:**  Sorry  
**Billy:**  Maybe you should try harder.  
**Goodnight:**  Well... I thank you, but...  
**Faraday:**  I bet on Billy winning  
-Billy wins the round-  
-Red wins the round-  
-Red wins the whole game-  
**Red:**  Well guess what Bitch  
**Faraday:**  I didn't see your points  
**Faraday:**  Congrats  
**Red:**  That was very and uncharacteristically mature of you  
**Faraday:**  Oh  
**Faraday:**  Well I take it back then  
**Goodnight:**  ....  
**Goodnight:**  *rubs temples*  
**Faraday:**  Or not  
**Faraday:**  Sorry Goody and Red  
**Goodnight:**  ....But... You're not?  
**Faraday:**  I am?  
**Red:**  Can I hit him again?  
**Goodnight:**  ...Are you?  
**Faraday:**  Yes? and no  
**Goodnight:**  ......Okay  
**Red:**  He needs a good punch. Him and McCann  
**Faraday:**  Okay  
**Faraday:**  I don't  
**McCann:**  Please no


	7. Session 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE REAL CHAOS STARTS NOW. SHIT GETS SO LIT IT GO PAST HITTING THE ROOF.
> 
> BETTER WATCH OUT FOR EMMA CULLEN WHEN SHE IN DA HOUSE.

**Emma** : I arrive for one of these aT LAST.

* * *

**Emma:**  Who put that there  
**Emma:**  *squints at you all*  
**Emma:**  Who put horse meat there. I will fITE. after i eat it.  
**Billy:**  Probably Faraday.  
**Faraday:**  No  
**Billy:**  He causes problems.  
**Emma:**  Faraday.  
**Faraday:**  I was the knife  
**Emma:**...Billy.  
**Billy:**  *lights a cigarette*  
-Billy wins the round-

* * *

**Faraday:**  Amuse me  
**Emma:**  Wanna hear a joke?  
**Faraday:**  Yes?  
**Emma:**  It's the story of your life :)  
**Faraday:**  Emma  
**Faraday:**  I am...Rude  
**Emma:**  No, you're Faraday.  
-Billy wins the round-  
**Faraday:**  I wasted my thigh card  
**Emma:**  Your thighs are quite...  
**Emma:**  Magnificent.  
**Faraday:**  Why thank you  
**Emma:**  A dollop of sour cream... if you know what I mean.  
**Faraday:**  No?  
**Emma:**  Of all people, Faraday doesn't know what I mean.  
**Faraday:**  You wanna dress my thighs up Emma?  
**Emma:**  I hereby revoke your 'world's greatest lover' title.  
**Faraday:**  You can't do that  
**Emma:**  Too late. It's removed. Your thighs can stay, your title can't.  
**Billy:**  I don't think you ever had that title.  
**Faraday:**  I do  
**Faraday:**  And no Emma  
**Emma:**  He self-proclaimed it.  
**Faraday:**  I did

* * *

**Emma:**  Oh boy  
**Emma:**  Ahhh I've got two good ones for this.  
-Billy wins the round-  
**Goodnight:**  Once again, Dominating this, cher.  
**Emma:**  So is that what you two get up to?  
**Billy:**  Sometimes.  
-McCann has joined the game-  
**McCann:**  What's up losers  
**Faraday:**  Ohhh god  
**McCann:**  Thought you were rid of me weren't you Faraday  
**Faraday:**  Yeah kinda  
**Emma:**  We'd kinda hoped.  
**Faraday:**  Red is not here and..now you are and ugh  
**McCann:**  That stoppped being able to be true when you didn't let me die  
**Faraday:**  WHo me?  
**McCann:**  You, all of you, Vasquez, everybody, whoever *shrugs*  
**McCann:**  Hell if I know  
**Faraday:**  Don't blame him  
**Emma:**  Not me  
**Emma:**  I ain't takin' responsibility for you.

* * *

**Faraday:**  Hey a card for Sam  
**Faraday:**  He is this card

* * *

**Goodnight:**  You're pretty good at this, Miss Emma.  
**Faraday:**  I am shocked  
**Emma:**  Why thank you, Mr Robicheaux.  
**Emma:**  You know, you're not so bad yourself.  
**Faraday:**  WHo me?  
**Emma:**  Hell no. Goodnight.  
**McCann:**  Shit Faraday's winning?  
**McCann:**  That's not goood  
**Faraday:**  HA!'  
**Emma:**  Can it McCann.  
**Faraday:**  And Emma cursed  
**Emma:**  Suppose I should say McCannot...  
**Goodnight:**  I must admit I'm off my game tonight... I'm a bit distracted.  
**McCann:**  Fuck off Cullen  
**Faraday:**  Why is that?  
**Emma:**  I would but your boss killed my husband, and I'd rather not touch any of these guys.  
**Faraday:**  We are tied again  
**McCann:**  Gross I didn't need to know that  
**Goodnight:**  I don't wish to ruin the game, I'll share later on.  
**Faraday:**  Aww  
**Emma:**  Next time don't ask, McCannot.  
**McCann:**  I didn't ask, that's the thing  
**Emma:**  Maybe not, but you did do the next best thing.

* * *

**Card:**  As part of his contract, Prince won’t perform without _____ in his dressing room  
**Winning Card:**  Ass to mouth  
-Billy wins the round-  
**Goodnight:**  Good lord, Billy.  
**Faraday:**  Right? I am with Goodnight  
**Emma:**  I thought Billy was with Goodnight...  
**Emma:**  Or is there something I'm not aware of?  
**Faraday:**  No in..NO  
**Faraday:**  In agreement  
**Emma:**  *laughing*  
**Billy:**  Faraday is not allowed.  
**Faraday:**  I know I wasn't *holds hands up*  
**Goodnight:**  I do believe I just threw up in my mouth at the thought.  
**Faraday:**  Same! You are like a brother  
**Emma:**  Where else would you throw up, Mr. Robicheaux?  
**Goodnight:**  ...On the floor?  
**Billy:**  Out of his mouth.  
**Goodnight:**  In a bucket?  
**Goodnight:**  The toilet?  
**Faraday:**  On a house?  
**Emma:**  On a house?  
**Faraday:**  I have done that  
**Goodnight:**  In a bush outside a friend's house?  
**Emma:**  Jesus wept.  
**Faraday:**  On a tree  
**Faraday:**  In the lake  
**Emma:**  I hope not on your horse.  
**Faraday:**  Uhhh  
**Emma:**  FARADAY.  
**Faraday:**  Yes?  
**Goodnight:**  I do believe the lady has the gotten the point.  
**Emma:**  If you have thrown up on your horse, I'm going to shoot you in the foot. Or elsewhere.  
**Faraday:**  I have seen it all  
**Faraday:**  And it wasn't on him  
**Emma:**  Where is your 'worlds greatest lover' mug? I'm destroying it.  
**Faraday:**  Hidden  
**Emma:**  All right. Whoever finds me Faraday's world's greatest lover mug gets ten seconds to run next time they piss me off.  
**Emma:**  Faraday not included.  
**Faraday:**  YOU WILL NEVER Find it....Never  
**Emma:**  I'll make it 20 seconds.  
**Faraday:**  *hisses* No  
**Emma:**  30 seconds to run for a mug...  
**Faraday:**  I will shoot you  
**Emma:**  Try me, Faraday.  
**Faraday:**  Its a gift how dare you  
**Emma:**  You do not live up to your title. I'm going to put it on my husband's grave.  
**Faraday:**  .....I will steal it back  
**Emma:**  You can try.  
**Faraday:**  You have to find it first and by then I will have hidden it so even I cannot find it  
**Emma:**  Oh hey, what's this in your underwear drawer?  
**Faraday:**  A gun  
**Goodnight:**  ....I believe I need a cigarette....  
**Emma:**  A very nice gun... Is this Maria or Ethel?  
**Faraday:**  I swear if you find it before I give it away...and neither  
**McCann:**  I think I need a drink  
**Faraday:**  They don’t leave my side sweetheart  
**Emma:**  That's what you think, Mr Faraday.  
**Faraday:**  It is  
**Faraday:**  I am giving the mug away  
**Faraday:**  So you know  
**Faraday:**  I need a drink too, damn  
**Billy:**  To one of us.  
**Faraday:**  Yes  
-Billy wins the round-  
**Goodnight:**  Once again, cher. Very well.  
**Billy:**  Thank you, Goody.

* * *

**Card:**  Before I run for president, I must destroy all evidence of my involvement with ________  
**Faraday:**  President Faraday  
**McCann:**  That's a horrible idea  
**Faraday:**  Is not  
**Billy:**  Does not have a ring to it.  
**Faraday:**  Does too  
**Emma:**  A bad one.  
**Faraday:**  No  
**Goodnight:**  More like a loud ring of a gong  
**Faraday:**  Lies  
**Billy:**  I would not vote for you.  
**Emma:**  'President Faraday sends planet into World War 76. Is there anything else to fight?'  
**Faraday:**  You would because I will help you Vas and Red  
**McCann:**  Help with what  
**Faraday:**  The bounties and such  
**Billy:**  I don't need help.  
**Emma:**  Billy doesn't need help.  
**Goodnight:**  Billy doesn't need help.  
**Faraday:**  Well Vas does  
**McCann:**  Do they look like they need help  
**Billy:**  I'll help Vas.  
**Faraday:**  Also kinda me  
**Faraday:**  By killing the guys?  
**Billy:**  It won't be the first time.  
**Faraday:**  True, very true

* * *

**Card:**  Hi MTV! My name is Kendra, I live in Malibu, I’m into _____, and I love to have a good time  
**Winning Card:**  Being a dick to children  
-McCann wins the round-  
**Goodnight:**  Shocker that that is your card, McCann,  
**Faraday:**  He is a dick to Children  
**Emma:**  You could have stopped at 'He is a dick'  
**Faraday:**  Or just "dick"  
**Emma:**  We save that one for you, actually.  
**Emma:**  Or, more accurately, 'you're not 100% a dick

* * *

**Card:**  I went to the desert and ate of the peyote cactus. Turns out my spirit animal is ______  
**Winning Card:**  The moist, demanding chasm of his mouth  
-Billy wins the round-  
**Faraday:**  Eww moist  
**McCann:**  Jesus christ  
**Goodnight:**  Well....  
**Goodnight:**  Did you know I'd pick that one, cher?  
**Faraday:**  Hmm..  
**Billy:**  I figured.  
**Goodnight:**  Very nicely done.  
**Billy:**  I do know you.  
**Goodnight:**  This is true.  
**Faraday:**  There goes my teeth  
**Emma:**  You're not supposed to bite, Faraday.  
**Faraday:**  No they are rotting because Goody and Billy'  
**Emma:**  Sure, yes, of course.  
**Goodnight:**  Was that really rot worthy?  
**Faraday:**  Yes  
**Billy:**  We can do better.  
**Emma:**  Please do.  
**Faraday:**  Yes

* * *

**Card:**  This is the way the world ends\This is the way the world ends\Not with a bang but with  ______  
**Faraday:**  No it ends with a bang  
**Winning Card:**  Snorting coke off a clown’s boner  
-Goodnight wins the round-  
**Goodnight:**  Pfft.  
**Faraday:**  Yes?  
**Faraday:**  I am funny  
**Emma:**  Funny looking...  
**Faraday:**  To you maybe

* * *

**Card:**  The CIA now interrogates enemy agents by repeatedly subjecting them to ______  
**Winning Card:**  Ethan Hawke’s ass  
-Faraday wins the round-  
**Goodnight:**  It is just that glorious.  
**Billy:**  You have no idea.  
**Faraday:**  Hmm  
**Emma:**  It's not that bad. I must say Sam's is better, though.  
**Faraday:**  What..?  
**McCann:**  ......  
**Goodnight:**  *overdramatic gasp*  
**Billy:**  Goody, I told you.  
**Faraday:**  Em I thought.....But Teddy....Ohh god no wonder he drinks  
**McCann:**  I could drink right now honestly  
**Emma:**  You thought what?  
**Goodnight:**  Well...I...  
**Billy:**  Didn't listen to me.  
**Faraday:**  You and Teddy were a thing?  
**Goodnight:**  I just....  
**Goodnight:**  I mean...  
**Goodnight:**  Oh, Lord.  
**Faraday:**  Not being mean but  
**Faraday:**  Poor lover boy  
**Emma:**  Sweet Jesus to Joseph, no  
**Emma:**  Teddy is... too much of a teddy.  
**Faraday:**  And...?  
**Emma:**  Not enough of a bear, if you catch my drift.  
**Faraday:**  You want a Matthew not a Teddy  
**Faraday:**  Or a Sam  
**Goodnight:**  *blocks ears*  
**McCann:**  I’m not drunk enough for this  
**Emma:**  Or a Sam. Or a Red. I'd say Horne, even, but... A little too much of a bear. I like a little bit of human.  
**Emma:**  More than a little- I'd only get more bear than human with Horne.  
**Goodnight:**  Billy. Billy. All the cigarettes.  
**Faraday:**  CAn I have one?  
**McCann:**  Who has alcohol in here  
**Emma:**  It wouldn't even be like a human. You've been around him more than I have, he's probably got enough hair to be mistaken for a bear.  
**Faraday:**  I am surprised me or Vas are not on the list  
**Billy:**  Goody, you didn't listen to me.  
**Goodnight:**  Billy, please.  
**Goodnight:**  Now is not the time.  
**Goodnight:**  Everything I know is a lie.  
**Emma:**  Although! On a scale of ass greatness  
**Emma:**  Billy takes the cake.  
**Goodnight:**  ....  
**Billy:**  ...  
**Faraday:**  Emma  
**McCann:**  ...  
**Emma:**  Am I wrong?  
**Faraday:**  That is a Married Man  
**Faraday:**  and Goody would know  
**Emma:**  I am Just Looking, not Touching  
**Emma:**  Consider, my good Faraday;  
**Emma:**  Billy uses knives, yes?  
**Emma:**  The rest of you just stand around shooting at people.  
**Faraday:**  Yeah.  
**Emma:**  Billy has to get up close and personal, therefore he has to move more.  
**McCann:**  Who wants to get absolutely pissed hammered tonight and feel the consequences the next morning  
**Faraday:**  Me  
**Goodnight:**  ....  
**Faraday:**  Me McCann  
**Emma:**  Therefore, his ass is going to be a good amount of muscled and pert because of it.  
**Billy:**  Here's that cigarette, Goody.  
**McCann:**  Cause I’m prepared to drink myself to oblivion right now  
**Faraday:**  Give me all the drinks  
**Emma:**  You just can't handle the truth.  
**Faraday:**  What truth?  
**Emma:**  Billy's ass is the best ass.  
**Faraday:**  Billy is so quiet  
**Faraday:**  Are you drunk Em?  
**Emma:**  Not at all. Would a drunk woman be able to do this?  
**Faraday:**  Emma is drunk  
**Emma:**  Am not!  
**Faraday:**  Lies  
**Faraday:**  And I am a drinker so I would know  
**Goodnight:**  Now  
**Emma:**  You lie. You lie like a rug. I do not lie.  
**Emma:**  Goody.  
**Emma:**  Billy has the best ass, yae or nae?  
**Goodnight:**  With all the truth your earlier statements hold, I'd appreciate it if you looked somewhere else.  
**Emma:**  I look everywhere, my good man.  
**Faraday:**  Good thing Red is not here  
**Emma:**  No ass is safe from my eyes, just my hands.  
**Emma:**  Red's ass gives Billy's contest.  
**McCann:**  ....  
**Faraday:**  Jack would have a cow  
**McCann:**  Faraday  
**Faraday:**  Yes?  
**Faraday:**  What is it?  
**McCann:**  You, me, the saloon, a shitton of bottles of alcohol, and our damndest to forget this whole conversation that happened tonight  
**Faraday:**  Deal  
**McCann:**  Goodnight and Billy, you're welcome to join  
**Faraday:**  Yes  
**Emma:**  You guys are the worst.  
**Billy:**  I...think I'd like that.  
**Goodnight:**  Me too.  
**Faraday:**  Emma. Not so much  
**Faraday:**  No offense  
**Faraday:**  I need to forget stuff  
**Emma:**  Absolutely the worst.  
**Faraday:**  And I feel sick  
**Faraday:**  *fake gag noise*  
**Faraday:**  Sorry Emma no offense to you and Sam. I can see that just  
**Faraday:**  WOW  
**Faraday:**  And my thighs  
**Emma:**  If it makes you feel better, your thighs are second to none.  
**Faraday:**  Oh?  
**McCann:**  .......  
**Goodnight:**  .............  
**Faraday:**  With dressings you mean  
**Emma:**  Sure.  
**Billy:**  Not even mine from all the running you seem to think I do?  
**Goodnight:**  BILLY  
**Faraday:**  *snorts and chokes on drink*  
**McCann:**  I change my mind  
**McCann:**  I’m drinking myself to death  
**Emma:**  Billy, you've got the ass. Or at least one of them. Leave some body parts for someone else to have!  
**Emma:**  You know what?  
**Goodnight:**  I will have the rest of Billy, thank you very much.  
**Emma:**  Billy's got the ass, Faraday has the thighs, and Red has the arms.  
**McCann:**  jesus chrisT  
**Emma:**  If I could just... Take a little from each of you... I could make the perfect man..  
**Faraday:**  *still coughing,teary eyed* Dear lord  
**Emma:**  Maybe even better than my husband. That McCannot's boss killed.  
**Goodnight:**  Could we please leave Billy's ass out of the equation?  
**Emma:**  If I'm making the perfect man, no.  
**Faraday:**  Because I am fearful  
**Billy:**  She's going to make the thing from your book, Goody.  
**Goodnight:**  Oh Lord.  
**Billy:**  The one from all the people parts.  
**Faraday:**  Guys I cannot breathe  
**McCann:**   Breathe Faraday  
**Emma:**  In through the nose, out through the mouth Faraday.  
**Faraday:**  *sucks in some air rubbing eyes* Ouch  
**Faraday:**  I thought Red kicking my ass was bad...but  
**Emma:**  So... Faraday.  
**Faraday:**  What?  
**Emma:**  I take it... You've not got a lot of... Practice with holding your breath from Vas?  
**Faraday:**  Huh?  
**McCann:**  *chokes on drink*  
**Billy:**  Goody, we need to leave.  
**Goodnight:**  *raises eyebrow* Oh boy  
**Faraday:**  What..what does that mean?  
**Emma:**  You uh  
**Faraday:**  I?  
**Emma:**  Dont really lose your breath when you're... with him?  
**Faraday:**  No..?  
**Faraday:**  WHy?  
**Emma:**  That's a shame.  
**Faraday:**  Why?  
**Emma:**  It's part of the FUN.  
**Goodnight:**  Joshua.... she means...if you and Vas...are doin' it....  
**Faraday:**  Emma how do..No I don't wanna know  
**Emma:**  Vas is pretty small, isn't he?  
**McCann:**  Faraday  
**Billy:**  Goody!  
**Goodnight:**  WHAT  
**Faraday:**  WHY SAY THAT?  
**Billy:**  Don't encourage her!  
**Emma:**  So he is!  
**Goodnight:**  OH SHE GOT ON YOU. SHE CAN GO SOMEWHERE ELSE. HELL ELSE, I CARE.  
**Faraday:**  He is not..God  
**Faraday:**  Why assume that  
**Goodnight:**  Emma, they're not fuckin'.  
**McCann:**  All at once I'm glad Red is not here  
**McCann:**  Because he'd definitely encourage it  
**Faraday:**  SO AM I  
**Faraday:**  AND WE ARE NOT  
**Emma:**  *squints*  
**Goodnight:**  They ain't.  
**Faraday:**  I am freaking out here help me  
**Emma:**  That explains the lack of long breath holding, I suppose.  
**Faraday:**  Why do you care?  
**Goodnight:**  Wow.  
**Emma:**  Well, I like to see my friends happy. And satisfied.  
**Emma:**  And not drunk.  
**Faraday:**  Help me Goody I need some good stuff  
**Billy:**  This is why we shouldn't help him.  
**Billy:**  No.  
**Faraday:**  No  
**Faraday:**  Please  
**McCann:**  I need some more alcohol  
**Goodnight:**  I need a lot more than that.  
**Faraday:**  And I know he is not small because...Guys just know that  
**McCann:**  NOT HELPING FARADAY  
**Emma:**  OH HOOO.  
**Faraday:**  Kill me  
**Faraday:**  What  
**McCann:**  Gladly  
**McCann:**  We can both kill each other off  
**Faraday:**  Good  
**Emma:**  Faraday's already died once, let's not do that again.  
**Faraday:**  And it was so damn peaceful  
**Faraday:**  Till the doctors woke me  
**McCann:**  Same  
**Emma:**  I get no respect 'round here. Just tryin' to help friends get friends and instead I get complaints.  
**Goodnight:**  Looks like we could tie, cher  
**Faraday:**  AND one would know how big a friend is because of Travel and bathroom breaks you just...look.  
**Emma:**  Faraday...  
**Emma:**  I'm pretty sure...  
**Faraday:**  You wanna make a man using us  
**Emma:**  Friends don't peer at friends dicks.  
**Billy:**  I did.  
**Billy:**  We're not friends anymore.  
**Goodnight:**  ....Yeah they do.  
**Faraday:**  They do if they are curious  
**Emma:**  Is that how you and Goody got together?  
**Emma:**  Oh good lord.  
**Faraday:**  Also Billy we are tied  
**Emma:**  See the direction you're heading in Faraday?  
**Faraday:**  No and I don't care  
**Card:**  Tonight on 20/20: What you don’t know about _____ could kill you  
**Winning Card:**  A peyote-fueled vision quest  
-Billy wins the round-  
**Faraday:**  That is what Emma is on  
**McCann:**  There are such things as size competition sometimes  
**Faraday:**  Exactly  
**Goodnight:**  Why is everyone so interested in how we got together, Billy?  
**Emma:**  Faraday is in denial  
**Faraday:**  About?  
**Billy:**  I like keeping them in suspense.  
**Goodnight:**  It is fun.  
**Faraday:**  Ohh lord  
**Faraday:**  I am halfway up shits creek  
**Card:**  Don’t forget! Beginning this week, Casual Friday will officially become “_____ Friday”  
**Winning Card:**  Butt stuff  
-Billy wins the round-  
**Emma:**  A hah... Looks like we've got a three way goin' on.  
**Faraday:**  NO  
**McCann:**  JESUS  
**Goodnight:**  BILLY RUN  
**Billy:**  Goody...  
**Faraday:**  RUN  
**Billy:**  Help  
**Billy:**  I need the help now.  
**Emma:**  HA.  
**Emma:**  Ahhhahahahaaa  
**McCann:**  RUN LIKE YOUR FUCKING LIFE DEPENDS ON IT ROCKS  
**Billy:**  BUT SHE LIKES IT WHEN I RUN!  
**Goodnight:**  FUCK  
**Emma:**  THAT IS TRUE.  
**McCann:**  THEN GET ON A HORSE AND RIDE  
**McCann:**  GROW A PAIR OF WINGS I DON'T FUCKING CARE  
**Faraday:**  We gotta get outta town guys  
**Goodnight:**  ...  
**Faraday:**  Crawl on the floor  
**Faraday:**  Fucking become a snake  
**Emma:**  *falling over laughing*  
**Goodnight:**  Pffffft  
**Emma:**  Wiggle dat ass, Faraday  
**Faraday:**  No. its my ass and I will not *hiccups* Be wiggling it  
**Emma:**  if you become a snake you will be!  
**Faraday:**  I am a fox  
**Faraday:**  Not a snake  
**Faraday:**  *sticks tongue out*  
**Emma:**  So... a red ass... from someone smacking it?  
**Faraday:**  Who smacked it  
**McCann:**  WHY ARE YOU SPURRING HER ON FARADAY  
**Faraday:**  I AM NOT  
**McCann:**  YOU JUST DID EVEN MORE  
**Billy:**  YOU'RE MAKING IT WORSE  
**Faraday:**  Help  
**Faraday:**  We need someone sober  
**Billy:**  We're abandoning you  
**Faraday:**  NOOOOOOO  
**Faraday:**  Mom dad don't leave me  
**Emma:**  Faraday likes being spurred?  
**Emma:**  By a cock, maybe?  
**Goodnight:**  MISS EMMA  
**McCann:**  Faraday, I’m asking this very nicely from the bottom of my slowly dying heart  
**McCann:**  Please shut the fuck up  
**Emma:**  ROOSTERS ARE A THING, GOODY  
**Faraday:**  I can't  
**Billy:**  I'm not asking  
**Billy:**  Shut the fuck up  
**Faraday:**  *disgruntled noises*  
**McCann:**  CLEARLY YOU WERE NOT MEANING ROOSTERS WOMAN  
**Emma:**  HOW WOULD YOU KNOW? ALL I SAID WAS COCK. I NEVER SAID WHAT TYPE.  
-Goodnight wins the round-  
-Goodnight wins the whole game-  
**Faraday:**  Goody won  
**McCann:**  He was on that 9 for a long time  
**Goodnight:**  I was.  
**Emma:**  Oh hooh...  
**Emma:**  9? Inches?  
**Emma:**  Oh, the points.  
**McCann:**  WOMAN  
**Goodnight:**  MISS EMMA  
**Billy:**  Goody...  
**Faraday:**  *covers ears*  
**Goodnight:**  ....cher?  
**Emma:**  CALL ME A WOMAN ONE MORE TIME AND I'M GONNA WOMAN YOUR ASS, MCCANNOT  
**Billy:**  I need you to grab my chair  
**Billy:**  And pull us out of here  
**McCann:**  DO IT THEN  
**McCann:**  IT'D PUT ME OUT OF MY MISERY  
**Emma:**  Oh that’s what you think sweetheart  
**Emma:**  Let's do this  
**Goodnight:**  Gladly  
**Emma:**  MISTER I'LL MAKE A (WO)MAN OUT OF YOU  
**Faraday:**  *gets up to leave slowly* Nope...nope  
**McCann:**  *sprints out* I’m outta here  
**Faraday:**  Too drunk for this *stumbles on the way out*  
**McCann:**  The saloon is waiting for me  
**Emma:**  *chases* THIS IS FUCKIN ON, MCCANNOT  
**Goodnight:**  *grabs Billy's chair and drags away*


	8. Session 8-PART 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this actually got pretty long. We played two sessions on the same day, however the resulting total script for that day got waaaaaaaay long (25 pages in word lmaooooo) so I decided to split them up. This was the first game session we played; the next one will be the second one and that one will be _looooooong_ so heads up

**Red:**  And who’s fault is that?  
**Faraday:**  Emma’s  
**Billy:**  Emma won't be here, will she?  
**Vasquez:**  Faraday, you're a mess  
**Goodnight:**  Honestly, do we have to tell him that?  
**Faraday:**  I am  
**Faraday:**  I am not sorry  
**McCann:**  VASQUEZ YOU WOULD BE A DRUNKEN MESS TOO IF YOU WENT THROUGH THE SHIT WE WENT THROUGH LAST NIGHT  
**Vasquez:**  Oh my  
**Faraday:**  Shall we begin?  
**Goodnight:**  It...was quite a night.  
**Vasquez:**  I was sleeping. I think maybe I was fortunate to have missed it  
**Faraday:**  You were  
**Faraday:**  We had to defend you, Red and Sam  
**Red:**  If I hit him now, can we lie about it in the morning?  
**Goodnight:**  I'm not helping you out this time, Joshua.  
**Vasquez:**  Be honest, Goodnight, when's the last time you helped Faraday out?  
**Faraday:**  What why?  
**Goodnight:**  ...I was on his side last night  
**Goodnight:**  Sort of.  
**Billy:**  He did call us Mom and Dad.  
**Faraday:**  Ohh I called you mom and dad...sorry  
**McCann:**  I think after Emma, we were all in agreement for once  
**Vasquez:**  Dios mio, I really did miss something interesting, didn't I?  
**McCann:**  You should be glad you missed it  
**Goodnight:**  Miss Emma...did go far with certain comments.  
**Vasquez:**  McCann, put a card in.  
**Faraday:**  She did  
**Red:**  Do you think Goody and Billy are your parents Faraday?  
**McCann:**  Way too far  
**Billy:**  I'll say

* * *

**Faraday:**  Hi Sam  
**Goodnight:**  Pffft  
**Vasquez:**  Welcome to the chaos, Sam  
**McCann:**  Oh god  
**Faraday:**  Shit

* * *

**Card:**  Having problems with ____? Try _____!  
**Winning Card:**  Making the penises kiss, The homosexual agenda  
-Sam wins the round-  
**Faraday:**  Sam  
**Vasquez:**  Well-played

* * *

**Vasquez:**  So  
**Vasquez:**  How's that hangover feeling, Faraday?  
**Faraday:**  Like hell  
**Goodnight:**  Last night was Hell.  
**Red:**  Probably deserved it  
**Faraday:**  Or my head is going to explode  
**Vasquez:**  Probably  
**Faraday:**  No  
**Faraday:**  Nope  
**Goodnight:**  Eh...  
**Faraday:**  Emma wanted to cut me up so  
**McCann:**  I think I say this for everyone but  
**McCann:**  For once  
**McCann:**  I think we actually didn't deserve the hell we went through last night  
**Billy:**  She liked my ass.  
**Goodnight:**  .....  
**McCann:**  That was horrifying  
**Faraday:**  And Red's arms  
**Billy:**  She wanted to build Goody's book monster.  
**Goodnight:**  Let's not get back on that, shall we?  
**Red:**  Who’s ass did she not like?  
-Vasquez wins the round-  
**Red:**  Who wouldn't like my arms  
**Sam:**  Well played Vas  
**Faraday:**  She likes Billy's and yours but Billy's more  
**Faraday:**  And Vas' Junk  
**McCann:**  Please let's not bring that up again  
**Red:**  Well Fuck you Billy  
**Faraday:**  Whoa hostile much?  
**Billy:**  Is he challenging me?  
**Billy:**  I can stab him.  
**Goodnight:**  Billy...  
**Faraday:**  We need Red, he is a baby  
**Card:**  What killed my boner?  
**Winning Card:**  Seeing my village burned and my family slaughtered before my eyes  
-Vasquez wins the round-  
**McCann:**  ....  
**Sam:**  ...  
**Faraday:**  And wow  
**McCann:**  jeSUS  
**Red:**  Excuse me??  
**Vasquez:**  Just left for a moment and come back to find my junk being mentioned. You all need help  
**McCann:**  No, EMMA needs help  
**Faraday:**  Emma needs help  
**Faraday:**  And you heard me Red  
**Red:**  Go chase some dynamite why don't you  
**Billy:**  I understand a fight with Faraday.  
**Billy:**  But he's trying to fight me.  
**Faraday:**  Red  
**Red:**  I want to fight everyone  
**Goodnight:**  Please don't fight me.  
**Faraday:**  I am good  
**Billy:**  I'll fight him twice  
**Goodnight:**  Billy... no...  
**Sam:**  Nobody is fighting anyone!  
**Faraday:**  Well  
**Red:**  I already fought Faraday, that went beautifully  
**Faraday:**  I mean Red and I already fought  
**Faraday:**  My bruises hate you  
**Goodnight:**  Alright. You heard the man.  
**Goodnight:**  No fighting.  
**Red:**  Yes fighting  
**Billy:**  But Goody...  
**Goodnight:**  No.

**Author's Note:**

> Come join us in the Mag7 Discord!
> 
> P.S.-If yall've seen some of these as chat posts on tumblr, have yall figured who's who yet? ;>


End file.
